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Starring: Brendan Fraser (Rick O’Connell), Rachel Weisz (Evelyn “Evie” O’Connell), John Hannah (Jonathan Carnahan), Arnold Vosloo (Imhotep), Oded Fehr (Ardeth Bay), Patricia Velasquez (Anck-Su-Namun), the Rock (Scorpion King). Written and Directed by Stephen Sommers

Rated: PG-13 (Violence)

I’ll go ahead and say it---I liked the original movie. No, I cannot point to a single redeeming quality of the first picture, but I was entertained throughout (which, in itself, is a very redeeming quality). As an added bonus, both DVD releases (the original Collector’s Edition and later Ultimate Edition) were loaded with tons of extras that only served to make the disc a better buy.

But, before we get to the extras on this puppy, let’s hit whatever it is that this film has that will have to substitute for a plot.

No, it’s not an insult, per se. The first film’s plot was flimsy, at the very best. It still was entertaining as heck. The occasional movie where you just sit back and accept what the film provides without requiring too much thought can be a very good thing.

Well, much to my surprise, we see clips from “The Scorpion King” when you hit play. Nice surprise. It looks decent enough, but you can’t really make judgments from trailers, now can you? Anyway, let’s go ahead and say that if that movie does well, the WWF loses Rock, and I, for one, wouldn’t exactly be ecstatic about it.

We hit the start of the movie and join the Scorpion King laying the smackdown on a collection of skeletons (sorry about the joke there. I’ll try and stop doing that. Rock only being in the film for a very few minutes will help) until we learn that Scorpion King made a deal with Anubis that if he allows Scorpion King to survive, he will give the evil god his soul.

King and his assorted soldiers proceed to do whatever the heck it was what that they wanted to do until Anubis eventually smites them as, well, gods are wont to do and Scorpion King loses his, well, mystic bracelet (which, I suppose, contains his soul) sounds too effeminate---but you get the gist of it.

When we first lay eyes on Rick, we learn that he’s still doing whatever the heck it was that he did (the movie seems to want to claim that he’s an archaeologist or something, not a thug)---even though he has a kid, Alex (Freddie Boath). Man, that’s just bad parenting now. Heck, Evie is doing the same and she’s considerably more courageous. Wow, both parents are in a tomb and force the kid to stay above ground.

Yeah, no red lights THERE about them as parents.

Evelyn, apparently, has been having visions about the tomb that they are in (the Scorpion King’s tomb, apparently) and a half-naked woman. If this film was rated “R”, I’d have some really high hopes for this movie, but it isn’t. Alas.

Anyway, the usual thing that seems to happen to archaeologists the world over happens and they accidentally unleash some serious trouble for themselves while their child just walks around in a state that can be described as oblivion. After considerable chaos and anarchy (you know, you’d think that Evie and Rick would STOP READING ANCIENT WRITING after the first movie), the O’Connell clan manages to survive the catastrophe that they have unleashed upon themselves and the bracelet makes it out of the tomb and on its way towards London.

In London, their demon-spawn of a child (well, not their child in particular---it’s more of a blanket statement about kids) puts the bracelet on and, suffice to say, precious little good comes of it, except that it reveals a place of great wealth. Amazingly, the parents didn’t hear all of the noise the bracelet caused, so any question about just how attentive these two were as parents were answered. Anyway, at the O’Connell house, just about everybody from the first film suddenly arrives with precious little explanation as to why.

Anyway, Evie ends up getting kidnapped and we find out that the bracelet that is currently around their child’s wrist will cause the Scorpion King to come back to life and conquer the world. Man, those Egyptians always had loopholes for all of their curses, didn’t they?

Hopefully, they’ll eventually explain how Imhotep and Anck-Su-Namun came back to life again, after their souls were killed in the first one. Or why Anck is such a friggin’ hottie for a chick who’s been dead for over a thousand years.

One little change is that the “honor guard” of the crypts, Ardeth Bay, now comes equipped with some SERIOUS firepower nowadays. Man, he’s gone from swords to fully automatic weaponry in precious little time---yet he can’t seem to stop the undead from rising from their graves via really obscure methods. One has to wonder what purpose the guy ACTUALLY serves, since preventing the events that could lead to the demise of life doesn’t seem to be one of his stronger suits.

Anyway, after some more hijinks, Anck ends up getting their child kidnapped while Rick goes to save Evie. This, of course, leads to the O’Connells trekking all the way back to Egypt to go find their beloved child---the same one they ignored for the better part of the early movie. However, for what it’s worth, the child seems much better at getting himself out of trouble than his parents are---so maybe it’s not REALLY their child.

Through all of this, it should be noted, Evie is continuing to have visions involving Anck, so I assume that this will end up going somewhere before this is all said and done. Okay, Evie actually was reincarnated from thousands of years ago, Rick is a warrior for God, and their son is the protector or something like that.

Yeah, the plot is getting a little weird.

After much travelling, the O’Connells eventually catch up to Imhotep and their son (really, is this spoiling the movie at any point? Did anybody see anything other than this happening?). They then learn just how bad things are which leads to more running and screaming until they have to go to the film’s climax.

I’m really not trying to shortchange the plot here---there just isn’t that much plot in the first place.

Something really bad happens and this leads to even more ancient hijinks from the Egyptians---who manages to create devices that still worked quite well after over a thousand years. Remarkably effective builders them Egyptians are, wouldn’t you say?

Anyway, I won’t go over the climax because it really is something you need to see. I will say that actually is a rather satisfying conclusion to the picture.

Why Brendan Fraser is not a bigger star in the world is somewhat lost on me. The guy definitely has presence, but I suppose his horrible choices in roles (“Monkeybone”, anyone?) has hurt him. He is one of the better action stars out there and, as his role in “School Ties” showed, he can do the dramatic stuff quite nicely. The rest of the cast are all quite comfortable with their roles and do splendidly.

It’s not one of the all-time great movies, but it is definitely worth two hours of your time.

The DVD: Well, just as with the other “Mummy” title, this disc is laden with extras. In addition to the usual trailer and production notes, you get ads for the PlayStation 2 title (which COULD be decent, but going with the history of movie-related games, likely isn’t).

We’re given an ad for Universal Studios theme parks (somewhere near you---if not now, they’ll be there soon) with a tour of the “Mummy Returns” ride (with sufficient lighting, it loses a lot of its luster).

We also get Oded Fehr doing an ad for the Kid’s Cancer Connection, Inc.

Also, like the first title’s releases, there is some information on Egypt, which is always a nice touch (including an attempt to make Scorpion King a “real person”---which, while possible, required them to make logical stretches).

The Rock is interviewed about “Scorpion King”. He actually talks up the wrestling business and says that the movie industry isn’t quite as painful. Basically, movies are just really different than pro wrestling---to give you a quick little summation.

The commentary track is okay, nothing special. However, if you are one of those special effects nuts (I am not one), there is also a feature on how they did those as well. I couldn’t watch it as, well, I really don’t care too much about it.

Overall: Well, this film is pure escapist fare, and I definitely respect it for that. It doesn’t attempt to be a serious movie in any way, shape, or form. It seems quite satisfied just being an escapist picture in the “Indiana Jones” tradition. The plot is definitely hackneyed, but the movie is remarkably fun.

So, is it as good as the original? I’d have to say no, but then again, I had much higher expectations heading into this one. This was one fun movie to watch and the extras on the disc only serve to make an already good disc well worth the price of purchasing it. I highly recommend you buy this---just don’t expect anything more than escapist entertainment.

Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that.

As a total package, not too many DVD’s are as packed with stuff as this one is, so I’d definitely have to recommend this. But, I’ll go ahead and give you the bad news right now---for reasons LOST on me, the film is only offered in pan & scan, not letterbox, which has to hurt the overall rating some (at least 1 point for me)

[Note from Scott:  I just bought it in widescreen today, so I don't know what you're smoking.  Future Shop was offering BOTH versions, so perhaps the store you bought it from was just doing P&S?]

Rating: 8.0