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- Live from Buffalo, NY
- Your hosts are JR and the King.
- In the back, Austin gets bandaged up after being cut
open by the Undertaker on Heat.
- Opening match, Intercontinental title: Edge v. Jeff
Jarrett. Feels good to put Edge's name in that one first. Best reason to get WWF PPVs:
Debra only wears the really GOOD outfits there. Edge and JJ do a token wrestling sequence
while crowd chants for puppies. Edge gets a two count off a rolling cradle and a sunset
flip from the second rope. Jarrett decides to walk, but gets back in before the ten-count.
Jarrett takes control as Lawler moves from the puppy jokes to the more untapped territory
of beaver jokes. *sigh*. Edge twists his knee and Jarrett goes to work. Edge blocks the
figure-four and gets two, but gets rammed into the ringpost, allowing JJ a single-arm DDT.
Jarrett gets a sleeper, and Edge breaks, but gets flapjacked coming off the ropes for a
two count. Another sleeper from Jarrett, eventually reversed by Edge, and he cradles for a
two count. Sunset flip gets two. They collide in the corner and Edge does Sting's HEADBUTT
TO THE GROIN OF DOOM spot for a double KO and a two count. Edge gets a leg lariat and a
neckbreaker, but misses something off the top. He recovers with a small package for two.
Tornado DDT coming out of the corner, but Jarrett tosses him out of the ring when he goes
for the spear. Lights out, and Gangrel attacks Edge on the outside. Bloodbath fails,
however, and we see Gangrel out on the floor. Back in the ring and Edge rolls through a
bodypress for two. Edge reverses a sunset flip for two. Dropkick reversed into a powerbomb
for two. Spear, but Debra is on the apron. Edge knocks her off by accident, Gangrel
attacks, and Jarrett hits the forward russian legsweep for the pin and his fifth IC title,
which is of course a new record. Time: 13:20. Hey, kids, Edge just carried his first
match! *** Jarrett gloats, only to get destroyed by Steve Austin, who is royally pissed
off.
- Tag team title match: The Hardy Boyz & Michael
Hayez v. The Acolytez. Big brawl to start. Doesn't work out well for the champz. Matt getz
dumped on the stepz and Hayez gets said stepz rammed into hiz shoulder. Jeff hitz a tope
con hilo on Farrooq, and Matt followz with one of his own on both Acolytez. Hardyz
double-team Bradshaw outside. Back in as they triple-team Faarooq, but Jeff getz tossed
outside (and landz on hiz head! HE'S A REAL MAN!) Acolytez control az Matt playz Ricky
Morton. Jeff blocks a Bradshaw powerbomb with a boot to the head and makes the hot
tag...to Michael Hayez? Not smart, Matt. Bradshaw haz his way with the old guy, but
Michael tagz in Jeff, who getz caught with a powerslam for two. Jeff jumps to the top rope
and Bradshaw chokeslamz him to the mat and damn near folds him in two. JEFF IS MY FUCKING
HERO! He'll be paralyzed by the time he'z thirty, but I'll be sick of him by then anyway.
Pier-six and Bradshaw hitz a backdrop suplex off the top on Matt for two. Jeff crackz the
cane over Bradshaw'z head (you can hear the smack) but it only gets two. Bradshaw catches
Jeff in mid-air with the clothesline from hell, which gets two. Hardyz roll out and poor
Michael is left alone, which makes the double-powerbomb for the pin and the titlez
academic at 9:40. I (and my roommate) sense a shitkicking on Michaels Hayez tomorrow
night. Damn, this had some SICK bumps on the part of the Hardy Boyz. Call it ***1/4 And
yes, I'm done with the running gag.
- European title match: Mideon v. D-Lo Brown. D-Lo hits
an elbow to start, then clotheslines Mideon out of the ring, then follows with a baseball
slide and tope suicida. He's ON tonight, BABEE! They fight on the floor, giving Mideon the
advantage. Back in the ring, and Mideon hits a half-assed doctorbomb for two. Mideon tells
a bunch of people to shut up while applying a chinlock. That's a novel way of drawing
heat. Not. D-Lo escapes, but walks into a neckbreaker for two. Mideon kicks and punches
away, drawing boring chants. D-Lo comes back with a sloppy tornado DDT for two, then jaws
with the ref. Man, Dennis Knight is useless. D-Lo hits the Skyhigh and legdrop, then the
frog splash for the clean win and his third European title at 7:10. ** Well, so much for
THAT push.
- Al Snow cuts a wacked-out promo on Michael Cole,
leading to:
- Hardcore title match: Al Snow v. Big Bossman. Snow has
mascara under his eyes, giving him a "I haven't slept in days" look that's
pretty creepy. Bossman makes the mistake of going after Head, causing Snow to snap. Snow
gets rammed into the folded up bleachers, and shoved into a box. Snow comes back with a
sandbag to the head. Bossman rams Snow into one of the big triangles at the entrance (HEY!
THOSE ARE FOR AUSTIN TO DESTROY!) and gets a two. We go backstage and the cameraman gets
taken out. Snow tosses a pot of coffee in his face, dumps a garbage can on him, then
suplexes him through a table. My jaded roommate notes that tables without fire and
thumbtacks have lost their edge. Cute spot: Bossman rams a "First down" marker
into Snow, then switches to "Fourth down" and punts. He tries to run Snow over,
but sadly the golf cart won't start. I hate it when that happens. They fight down a
hallway as Snow does his own commentary. They fight onto the street and Bossman bulldogs
Snow on the sidewalk, another SICK bump. It gets two. Snow complains that Bossman can't
get the job done. Bossman pulls a brick out of the sidewalk and nails Snow for two. They
fight across the street and Bossman breaks a bottle over his head, then handcuffs Snow to
a metal fence and beats him with a baton. Snow collapses and Bossman pins him against the
fence for his second Hardcore title at 10:20. Snow finally has a peaceful look on his
face. Some pretty innovative spots and good bumping from Snow. ***
- Kane v. The Big Show. Bob "I used to be a jobber,
but now I've got two nicknames" Holly is the referee. This is the night of the bumps:
TBS presses to the floor less than a minute in. Wight tosses Kane in, but runs into a
boot. Kane stops to argue with Holly and gets clothelined. Wight takes control and stomps
Kane in the corner, jawing with some fans in the front row. As JR would say, Wight does
things very deliberately. Kane is taking a beating here. Wight with three headbutts, then
he steps on him. Wight tells Holly that he's about to powerslam Kane, then does so for
two. Holly offers advice on the proper way to pin him. He misses an elbow and Kane comes
back with a DDT. Flying clothesline, and Kane goes for the chokeslam. Holly clips him from
behind and Wight hits his own chokeslam for the fast pin at 8:10. Could have been worse. *
X-Pac runs in and gets chokeslammed, then the Undertaker attacks, and he and Big Show team
up on Kane. We have a heel turn. And a very effective one, judging from the crowd
response.
- In the back, Austin catches the Undertaker coming
through the curtains and attacks. Undertaker gets busted open. Okay, we're even now.
- Iron Circle Match: Ken Shamrock v. Steve Blackman.
We're in the parking garage for this, with a circle of cars with their headlights on as
the ring. JR notes that Blackman is silent but deadly. You know, if I was Blackman, I'd be
upset about being compared to a fart. Maybe that's just me. Not much to say here, as they
ram each other into cars and kick a lot. Some nice bumps in the process, however. Blackman
finds a conveniently placed tar Arn, but Shamrock comes back with a garbage can to the
head and a shot to the head with a chain. Shamrock chokes him down, and a bell rings at
4:04, so I guess Shamrock wins. Not much of a match, can't really rate it.
- Undertaker takes out his frustration on Terry Taylor.
What is JR's problem with Taylor? Geez, the guy had a bad gimmick 10 years ago, get over
it.
- The Battle for DX: Chyna & Billy Gunn v. Road Dogg
& X-Pac. Awww, Chyna and Billy have matching outfits. Chyna with a headlock on the
Dogg to start, but RD whips her into Gunn to break it. Crowd breaks out a
"Asshole" chant when Gunn tags in. Gunn with a Stinger splash on Jammes, and
Chyna clotheslines him from the apron to put him into the face in peril role. Chyna with a
STIFF kick to the back and two elbowdrops for a two count. Apparently the doctors think
X-Pac may have a concussion. In other news, sun comes up in morning, film at eleven. Mr.
Ass with a jackhammer, but misses whatever off the second rope. X-Pac gets the hot tag and
cleans house with leg lariats. Gunn hotshots him, however, to turn the tide. Chyna gets a
two count with a powerslam. False tag to Road Dogg allows a beatdown in the corner on
X-Pac. Gunn gets a two count off a powerslam. Chyna actually tries a handspring elbow, but
gets clotheslined. Hey, that would have been cool. Jesse gets the hot tag, and we have a
pier-six brawl. Broncobuster on Chyna, and Billy Gunn takes the Doggy Style Slam for the
pin at 11:13 to give the DX name to X-Pac and Road Dogg. Blah match. **
- Strap match: The Rock v. HHH. No lame "touch all
corners" here, it's just a falls count anywhere match with the guys attached to each
other. They brawl onto the floor and Rock does the camera spot. Rock gets rammed into the
Spanish announce table. Back in the ring and Helmsley retains control. Back outside the
ring and HHH gets whipped into the steps, and they fight into the crowd. They end up near
the barricades and Rock drops HHH on the steel railing to gain the advantage, but HHH
whips him into the entranceway. JR claims that the supposed year-long punishment of HHH
for MSG was just a creation of Dave Meltzer and the internet. Yeah, right. Helmsley gets
some good shots with the strap near the entrance, but gets suplexed on the concrete for
two. Rock takes a nice bump into the barricade for two. Rocky's doing a better job of
selling tonight. They drag each other back into the ring and HHH whips him again, cueing
the comeback for the Rock. But no, it's the KNEE TO THE HEAD OF DOOM to put Rock down
again as Chyna wanders out. She distracts the ref as Rock hits Rock Bottom. No ref. HHH
with the low blow to come back, and he climbs to the top and hangs Rocky from there.
Nasty. Mike Ciota checks Rock, but he wakes up at two and slams HHH off the top. Rock
comeback, as he uses the strap to pull HHH around the ring and hits the Samoan drop for
two. HHH tosses Rock out of the ring and pulls the strap off. They brawl on the floor and
HHH grabs a chair, but gets whipped by Rocky before he can use it. Nasty shots. Back in
the ring and Rocky with the DDT for two. Billy Gunn runs in and nails Rock with the club,
but it only gets two. Rock escapes the Pedigree with the Great Equalizer and hits the
People's Elbow. It gets two, and Gunn yanks Rock out. Rock hits Rock Bottom on Mr. Ass,
but HHH nails him from behind and hits the Pedigree for the pin at 19:05. And it only took
three people. Screwy booking aside, it was a good match for both guys. ***1/2
- WWF title match, First Blood: Vince hobbles out before
the match, as JR, ever the sympathetic one, recounts the "near tragic accident on the
Fourth of July where Mr. McMahon cracked his butt". Vince joins us for commentary as
JR reels off bitter comments. Undertaker attacks Austin in the entrance and we're
underway. Basic brawl with these two, but Austin gains control as they hit the ring. Some
psychology as they tease ramming each other into various objects. Austin gets clotheslined
into the crowd and UT tosses the steps at him! Man, that's a lawsuit just waiting to
happen. Austin takes a shot with the steps but it gets blocked. Back in the ring and UT
stomps away in the corner. Choking! Punching! Wow. Austin comes back and goes after UT's
leg, and spends some time on it. They brawl on the floor again. UT misses some chairshots,
and gets rammed into the steel steps. Back in the ring, and UT collides with Earl Hebner,
and falls into the ropes, getting tied up. Austin grabs a chair, but Shane runs into the
ring and gets his clock cleaned with the chair. This gives UT the time to escape the
ropes. He beats Austin down and pulls the turnbuckle pad off, but Austin blocks and hit
the Stunner. Vince tries to interfere and gets decked. Austin grabs another chair, but UT
pops up and hits Austin with his own. Hebner gets tossed around for the ref bump. X-Pac
runs in and does a VanDaminator on UT, and Austin grabs a TV camera and waffles UT with
it. Shane comes back in and gets nailed again. Undertaker is bleeding. Referee wakes up,
sees the blood, and rings the bell at 15:15. Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey
Vince, good bye. *1/2 So it's HHH v. Austin at Summerslam, and speaking of Mr. Knee, he
attacks Austin from behind to spoil his party. The Rock makes the save and they brawl to
the back as Undertaker throws a tantrum at ringside. Austin and UT brawl at ringside and
both are, in JR's words "bleeding like hogs". UT retreats to the dressing room,
and Austin offers Vince a good-bye Stunner. A decisive finish in a main event? What
parallel universe is this?
The Bottom Line: A pretty amazing 98:10 of total
wrestling in this show, which is like three RAWs all put together. Mostly all clean
finishes, with a couple of notable exceptions, and just some good effort all around.
Undertaker, however, is done, and it's time to either move him back down the card or
retire him. A **** match would have lifted this show to "best of the year"
levels, but as it stands it's just pretty damn good, and Austin v. HHH seems like the most
marketable Summerslam main.
Thumbs up. |
