By Jay Bower

Hey your name here,

My name is Jay Bower and you may know me from my previous work at ProWrestlingColumns, PWBTS, and our very own SmarksForumn. For the other 99.6% of you who have no clue who the hell I am (and actually care), you can read my self-introductory column here, but I am not going to waste our time rambling about it now because you most likely don't give a damn who my favorite Mexican-Mini is anyway. I write a column called "El Cubano's Corner", and depending on how this tryout goes, look forward to possibly packing my bags and moving into the Smarks full time, so any feedback to myself or Scott is appreciated. Lets get straight to the content shall we...

Welcome back to yet another surprise filled edition of "El Cubano's Corner", the column more addictive than the Von Erich medicine cabinet. I hope you all had a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving weekend pretending to enjoy the company of your extended family. Did you see that one Uncle? You know, the one who you keep your girlfriend away from at all costs to avoid humiliation and a possible breakup? The one who can't go more than two sentences without making some kind of a joke about his bowel movements or the contents of his trousers? The guy who always runs around with a stupid grin on his face yelling "pull my finger" while the rest of the family looks on in shame and horror? The one who makes artificial sound effects of flatulation during Thanksgiving prayer? The one who stands up during dinner and shouts "Hey Jay, that cider looks like PISS, did you piss in the cider jug Jay?". Yeah, the girl I am seeing didn't come to my family gathering either.

What's that you say? "You know Jay, We haven't seen a new column out of you in seven days, what gives?". Well, if you are one of the forty or so who emailed me with this very question, then come a little closer to the screen your name...get just a little closer...one more centimeter...is your face touching the glass yet?...well...GO FUCK YOURSELF. Sorry, that may have been a little harsh, but when traveling 900 miles by car on a weekend where no one is going to be online anyway, my priorities lie with my friends and family, not my keyboard and mental thoughts of breaking down Hugh Morris' move set.

Well, once again we have experienced a pretty strange week in the world of wrestling, and once again there is so much going on that I find it to be difficult to zoom in on one particular subject, so you know what that means! "No Jay, Please don't do it!!!" you say. "OH NO, he isn't really going to is he?" shouts your friend "Smart Petey". "I am a big Huck' Hogan fan, he can sure 'rassle...Pull my finger" exclaims your Uncle. Oh yes, we are once again about to jump headfirst into the magical world that is Jay Bower's TREASURE CHEST! Lifeguards are on duty from 8am until 6pm. By entering the chest with me at any other time, you assume the full risk and liabilities for your actions, and I cannot be held accountable for anything Kamala may do...

Its Official, Vince McMahon is the sickest human being alive:

It has been beat to death by the internet this week, but where in the sweet name of Christ is Vince McMahon going with this "Kiss My Ass Club" angle? How the hell can there possibly be any money, ratings or PPV buys to be drawn by the "toughest athletes in the world" kissing Vince McMahon's pasty, flabby old ass? Vince isn't even an active competitor or the leader of any semblance of a unified faction, he is just walking out in the middle of seemingly every segment making his own employees look pathetic. I was never one to jump on the "The Invasion makes so sense" bandwagon, and never criticized the WWF's booking too drastically in the last twelve months, but where this angle can possibly be going is well beyond me. The WWF has the best all-around roster ever assembled, and they are giving us 45 minutes of Vince McMahon blithering about absolutely nothing of any relevance for the past two weeks.

So why then? Why has Vince consumed so much damn airtime in the past two weeks? Why has he forced his viewers (many of whom he knows are children) to watch him merrily strip from the waste down while he smiles like Charles Manson? The answer is simple... Vince McMahon is a filthy, self masturbatory pervert who is mentally breaking down in the national spotlight. When examining the events of the last 8 months, it is easy to see that Vince McMahon is becoming exposed as less of a "media genius" than the world was originally giving him credit for in 1999/2000 when the WWF could "do no wrong". I don't think Vince McMahon's giant ego can take this , and along with other events of the past 8 months, McMahon's failures are slowly driving him insane. "Hey Jay?" you ask, "Yes my favorite smart" I reply, "How about a rough breakdown?" you retort. "What the hell!". A chronological break down of Vince McMahon's ego being destroyed in the last eight months...

• The failure of the XFL and the mockery that was made of Vince McMahon by the media when he failed a new venture. VKM looked especially boobish after taking cheap shots at the NFL.
• A brutally weird and aggressive interview with Bob Costas that made the world wonder if Vince McMahon was nothing more than a bully who can't handle anyone trying to upstage him.
• Steadily declining ratings for the better part of the year that simply could not be turned around.
• The heel turn of Steve Austin, an angle that was supposed to change the landscape of the WWF forever, failing on all cylinders.
• The better part of Vince McMahon's upper-card falling prone to injury in June. "No problem" says Vince, I will just half heartedly build the Undertaker, Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit as the next crop of WWF main-eventers and my fans will love it. Wrong he was, as ratings began to fall into the low 4.0's for the first time in over two years.
• Vince McMahon fails to reach proper financial goals which would have added one million dollars to his salary.
• The Invasion angle, which was supposed to be a "can't miss" angle that would be a guaranteed draw for the next few years, being crucified to the point of near rioting by the majority of WWF marks, flopping possibly worse than any other major angle in history.
• Buff Bagwell and DDP being brought into the WWF as WCW main-eventers to stand toe to toe with Kurt Angle and Steve Austin, and subsequently being laughed out of the WWF by the fans and the "boys" in the back.
• Vince McMahon's overestimation of his "pull" with Viacom and subsequent inability to get a TNN time slot for the new WCW.
• The financial woes of WWF New York continue.
• The Rock returns to the WWF with enough fanfare to boost the WWF's ratings tremendously for his return to Raw. Vince McMahon can't resist sending out a press release stating how spectacular his ratings are and how they are going to stay that way now that The Rock has returned. Several weeks later, the ratings are right back where they were.
• The reality based television show "Manhunt", in which Vince McMahon's involvement was debatable, draws one of the lowest broadcast television ratings of all time in it's debut episode.
• Vince panics and continues to hotshot inter-promotional matches to low ratings, something which he had planned to save until at least WM18 reportedly.
• Ratings continue to fall and remain in the low-to-mid 4.0's up until the present.
• WWF Excess, a new live and interactive outlet for WWF programming is a miserable failure, drawing ridiculously low ratings in a traditionally shitty timeslot.
• Kurt Angle's biography Its True! Its True does not sell nearly as well as other WWFE marketed books.
• House show attendance continues to fall.
• For the first time possibly ever, Vince McMahon's own wrestlers gather with him in the back of the arena and express their concern for where he is taking the company.
• Mick Foley semi-shoots on Vince McMahon and the state of the WWF in mid-ring on a live broadcast of Raw and soon tells Vince McMahon that he no longer needs the WWF.
• Vince McMahon agrees to allow Paul Heyman to "shoot" on him. Heyman verbally annihilates Vince McMahon's character, business approach, and everything he has stood for since the day he took over the company from Vince McMahon Sr.
• Ric Flair, one of the few men in wrestling who can truly be said to have an equal amount of importance to the history of wrestling as VKM, comes into the WWF and immediately takes the spotlight off of the McMahon family.
• The WWF posts lower than expected third quarter profits and stock prices and investor confidence continue to fall quicker than little boys' Umbro's at Pat Patterson's soccer camp.

Well that brings us to the current day. Vince McMahon, a mogul who once rode his own wave of success into near immortality, is now being revealed as just as human as the rest of us, and just as prone to flaw. Can McMahon's ego take this? I really don't believe so. VKM is going to take every opportunity to show others that he can do whatever he wants, and I don't think he can exist in any other fashion. McMahon recently called a meeting of many of his wrestlers, listened to all of their output, thanked them and proceeded to blatantly ignore everything that was said. Since then, he has stated that he will no longer be taking any suggestions from the locker room.  McMahon is said to be on the outs with Paul Heymen, a man many feel is just as skilled if not superior to Vince McMahon at writing and booking professional wrestling. Why does that not surprise me either? Vince has finally buried WCW, a name brand which he owns, all in an attempt to prove some point to people who are either too confused to get it, or just don't care about Vince's petty grudges anymore. Great business decision Mr. McMahon, bury a division of your own company, that will put Eric Bischoff in his place!

And now finally it comes to this, Vince McMahon (who is not actually directly tied to any story line at the current moment), has started the "kiss my ass club", an angle that eats away a large portion of TV time each week and serves absolutely no practical purpose besides belittling loyal employees at the hands of a power hungry nutcase. What sane owner of a "billion-dollar" media giant exposes himself on prime-time television and brags about his ass "being able to do tricks"? What other man of such power forces grown, physically intimidating men to get on their knees while he makes extremely uncomforting remarks such as "You might want to get behind me, I don't think you want to kiss what is on front side", while the audience stares in stunned confusion wondering what the purpose of this is. I watched Raw with a few non-wrestling fans this week, and for the first time in ages, I was embarrassed to love the sport. Vince McMahon can not afford to lose any more sponsors with already declining ratings, and begging to go another round with the PTC is not the wisest business decision at the current moment. He can try and rile up the PTC all he wants in order to prove how big his "cahones" are, but when the plan backfires VKM will have to answer to his investors, and I don't think they are going to be amused.

So why is William Regal, one of the most respected active wrestlers in the world, forced to drop to his knees and kiss Vince's ass in the middle of the ring, only to have the angle nearly forgotten the next week? Why was Paul Heyman publicly "fired" by Vince McMahon, why did Vince look so satisfied doing it, and why do I have the feeling that this segment will probably be the last time we ever see Paul Heyman on WWF television? Finally, why the fuck is Jim Ross, a man who has absolutely no ability to put over an angle in any way besides in the booth where he is best, forced to have his face shoved into Vince McMahon's ass in front of his wife, kids and home state even though JR himself was vocally and completely opposed to the angle? The answer is simple, because Vince McMahon is on a power trip the likes of which we have never seen before, and no one is safe. Vince McMahon's ego has been bruised more in the year 2001 than at any other time in history, and he HAS to prove that he is still in charge so that he can fool the public into believing that he isn't really losing his marbles. The arrogant and sexually demeaning manor in which he is flexing his ego is sickening and sad and in all honesty is making me think twice about ever doubting some of the rumored sexual scandals that have always been related to the WWF.

So when will this stop? One can only hope soon, but I have a bad feeling that it won't, and an even worse feeling that Vince McMahon is going to try and use Ric Flair, the greatest wrestler and performer in the history of our sport, to further rebuild his own ego.

Bob Ryder Hates the Business: Part 37

Well, once again Bob Ryder has gone and opened his obnoxious mouth about a number of matters concerning the WWF, a company that never gave the great Bob Ryder a single ounce of interest when it came to any type of employment. Bitter are we Bobby boy? Well, Mr. Ryder's blood got boiling and Bob was kind enough to take a moment to step away from processing the "overwhelming amount of requests" (HA) to the premium area of 1wrestling.com to say a few things, and with a deal like that who wouldn't be throwing overwhelming amounts of money Bob's way. I have done all of my holiday shopping already, and every friend I hold dear in this world is getting a one-year membership to the 1wrestling premium area, where they can mostly likely read exclusive content like Bob passing off his grief with his lawn-mowing service as news, as well as "wrestling related" news regarding how Buff Bagwell stiffed a waitress in Omaha in 1987 and should never be allowed in a ring again.

Well, Bob went on record once again against Rob Van Dam, and had this to say...

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"ADD BOOKER TO THE RVD LIST"

by: Bob Ryder

After a slow few weeks, another WWF wrestler was busted open in a match with Rob Van Dam.

Booker T suffered a cut above his eye and a possible concussion after taking a "Vandaminator" in a match at Sunday's Tulsa house show.

Booker joins Test, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, and Steve Austin as WWF wrestlers who have been busted open in RVD matches. Jericho (2) and Angle (3) have been cut in more than one RVD match.

1wrestling.com

______________________________________

For a website as supposedly as "professional" as 1wrestling, titling a news item "Add Booker to the RVD list" and having such a sarcastic opening line is a little biased isn't it? I have always fallen somewhere in the middle of the clear line between RVD fans and RVD haters, but in Rob's defense the fault is more in the hands of the WWF than anyone else. They should not allow him to do the VanDaminator on a frequent basis because honestly the move is dangerous as hell. The motions consist of Rob trying to believably spin through the air and kick a chair into another mans face while his opponent grips the chair with both hands and has no way to protect his face. Making the move even slightly believable is always going to involve someone eating a chair, and that isn't the safest thing to be doing (especially at a house show) with athletes who are the sole reason Vince McMahon stays in business.

Regardless, Bob decides to take an extremely partisan stance in the matter and report every error that Rob Van Damn makes in the ring with a tone of "I told you this guy was all hype and would be exposed in a WWF ring", a attitude that almost entirely stems from a mostly one-sided mini-feud that was a result of Bob Ryder reporting that RVD injured himself while filming a movie in Thailand about two years ago . Bob just loves it when people who overvalue their own importance to the sport make mistakes so he can jump all over them and put them in their place. Well...BOB, why don't you take a look in the mirror my friend. I am still waiting for Bret Hart to return to the WWF Bob. Remember how many "breaking news" stories about the sale of WCW you were incorrect on? Remember your views on MECW? I guess you HAD to evetually be right about the return of Jerry Lawler to the WWF broadcast booth but even that took you a plethora of failed attempts. What I am getting at is this; Don't jump all over someone else's errors unless you are ready for someone else to do the same to you, and don't claim your website to be the number one news source in wrestling and act as though it is professionally run if you are going to be so blatant in taking cheap shots at those who have dared displease you, because regardless of all the derogatory comments you would like to make about RVD or anyone else, only one person ends up looking like an ass when all is said and done, and I think we both know who that is.

WWF Roster Cuts Rumored to be Coming This Week.

Well, once again we have reached the end of our journey into the chest of treasure, and I hope you thoroughly enjoyed the trip, and I can only assume you did as I couldn't help but notice you disappearing into the underwater cave with Kamala and coming out with Ugandan body paint smeared all over your lower torso, blowfish spines lodged in your thighs and a glowing grin on your face? We both know that is NOT why I invited you into the treasure chest, so don't let it happen again! However, I won't hold this one mistake against you and warmly invite you to send Ken Anderson from 411wrestling an email detailing your encounter (leave no grizzly detail unmentioned). He should most likely act embarrassed and confused at first, but soon he will gladly add you to his "It's ok to fantasize about Kamala" mailing list.

Well, thank you once again for stepping into my "corner" (Christ I need a new column name) and I look forward to seeing you again soon. I have a lot of surprises lined up for December, including an exclusive interview with possibly the greatest wrestler of the past twenty years to never hold the World Title (I know what you are thinking and NO it is not the Motor City Madman). Take it easy kids, have fun gearing up for Christmas, and I look forward to seeing you soon...

Jay Bower

PWBTS/PWC