By "Net.cop" Scott Keith

The Netcop Rant for some undefined time period between when I'm writing this and when it gets posted.

Brought to you by The House of Masochism...your pain is our pleasure!

By popular demand, I've decided to finally grace the cesspool with another dose of my brilliance. Hold all applause, please, until the final act.

You may have noticed that I haven't done a Rant in a while. In all honesty, I have to admit that Sid Eudy's death shook me up more than I like to admit. Sure, I can post memorials to him and transcripts of eulogies to him, but none of that can bring him back. I'd give it all back tomorrow if it meant seeing his smiling face in the ring again. Godspeed, Sid, wherever you are.

News item: Recently, a mole has been suspected right here on RSPW of trying to sign disgruntled posters to the WebTV organization. Tod Gordon denies any involvement. I'll keep you all updated, I promise.

Speaking of ECW, I finally got a chance to see the much ballyhooed Hardcore Heaven PPV this past week, and I must say I found it to be incredibly disappointing given the buildup and anticipation following Barely Legal. Although I can't rightfully count myself as a fan of the mindless violence perpetrated by Paul Heyman, it is nice to have *some* chaotic action to keep the flow of the show going, and this was a show definitely lacking in chaos. Even the Dreamer-Lawler match was almost subdued by ECW standards.

Personally, my theory on the success of ECW, despite the non-talent involved 80% of the time, is that it cranks up the chaos so fast and so much that you don't realize you're watching total garbage. Tommy Dreamer nails Raven with a VCR and you go "Wow, he just hit him with a VCR" instead of "Why the hell would Scott Levy agree to take a VCR off the head?" This of course leads to the oneupmanship problem that ECW is currently going through, which is basically "How many tables can you smash before the fans realize that all you're doing is smashing tables?" Time will tell, although my offical guess is one year from now.

Speaking of insane violence, I am now hooked on the Ultimate Fighting Championship after years of non-interest, as Zenon and myself sat down and watched the first six consectutively and are now anxiously awaiting rental of the remaining 5 or 6 or however many it is. I'm still not 100% sure that it's 100% "real" but it's sure as hell fun to watch most of the time. The Royce Gracie guard position makes me want to toss the remote control at the screen, however. I mean, that Shamrock-Gracie "Superfight" from UFC V was a joke.

And what's with all the belts? I mean, there's a Superfight belt, a belt for the winner of each UFC, god there's like 10 belts floating around on behalf of the UFC already. Give it a rest, donate them to the WWF or something, they need new ones...

I've been wondering why the UFC doesn't go international, since they're banned in 48 states. Why not do it live from some small African country where anything is legal for the right payoff? Go to Amsterdam, hell, EVERYTHING is legal there.

Why doesn't the WWF turn the LOD heel again? At least they'd be cool instead of a couple of pathetic old hasbeens. Bring in Dusty for a one-shot and let him blade all over the ring. Just like old times.

I read that Dave Meltzer is reporting Hogan's contract is up in December and he hasn't signed an extension. Man, wouldn't Eric Bischoff feel stupid for not doing Sting-Hogan earlier if the unthinkable happened and he jumped back to the WWF...

Just a historical note: It has now been one calendar year since Sting has wrestled a match.

I realize that angle theft is an integral part of the wrestling business, but couldn't WCW have changed ANYTHING about the Hennig turn from its original form on Monday Night RAW last year? I mean, he gets attacked by his opponent before the match, comes out injured, and turns on the people he's supposed to be helping.

You know, Dusty Rhodes might be the most maligned booker in the wrestling business, but at least he's creative. No one else would have thought of the WarGames or Battlebowl or the multiple ref bump or any of a number of things that he came up with. A Dusty finish might be non-sensical and defy logic, but it's never boring, that's for sure.

Besides, I've always said you should let Dusty book the undercard and someone else do the title matches. I mean, if Konnan v. Hugh Morris ends with 4 refs getting knocked out and the entire 5th division of the United States Air Force storming the ring to give Konnan the pin, who cares? It gets the fans into it and it's not hurting anything important. Just don't fuck with the big blowoff matches, ya know?

Something is beginning to trouble me. I'm having trouble distinguishing between my smark side and my mark side. For instance, Dean Malenko is one of my favorite wrestlers. I follow his career now and cheer for him in his matches. However, when I first started watching him and admiring him, it was because of his techinal excellence and not because of any personality he displayed. At some point in 1996, he crossed the line and I simply started cheering for him outright. Now comes the part that bothers me: When he got beat by Jeff Jarrett at Fall Brawl, the smark in me said "Oh, he's just jobbing, he'll be okay." and the mark in me was pissed that Dean lost, and it was the latter opinion that manifested itself. So the question is, has wrestling become so good at working us now that we cannot tell the difference between admiring someone's ringwork and simply cheering for him? As a mark I think the nWo are scum for quadruple-teaming everyone in sight, and as a smark I think the nWo are scum for getting drunk and running a federation by themselves, but either way I am reacting exactly as WCW wants me to and I find this kind of manipulation bothersome.

Is there a *second* level of kayfabe now, just for us? Is there really a "clique" or did Vince plan the "group hug" in MSG, just to give us an orgasm when Hunter suddenly decides to start giving the "clique sign" out of nowhere? Are Nash and Hall really best friends with Shawn Michaels in real life, or do they just drop empty hints to make us feel like insiders? Was Tod Gordon really the mole, or is this the greatest work in wrestling history? Wrestling has always adjusted with the times before, and the information age seems to be no exception.

I don't know what's getting backlogged faster, my movie collection or my wrestling collection. In the past month I've acquired Hardcore Heaven, most of WCW from 1991, UWF TV from 1987, Japan Super J stuff from 95-96, NWA and WWF TV from the 80s, Clash of Champions I and VI, the AAA PPV, the first six UFC shows, AWA Superclash III, Stampede Wrestling Classics series, early Shotgun shows, as well as all the RAWs for the past month and all the PPVs for the past month, plus I have to tape One Night Only on Saturday. I'm getting seriously overexposed to wrestling recently, which is why I've been withdrawing from RSPW I much as I have recently. I am literally getting tired of wrestling at this point. Of course, now I have to sit through about 20 hours of movies to catch up with that collection and take a breather from wrestling. I can't win sometimes...

For those who care, I am offically preparing to give up on WCW if something drastic does not happen by Starrcade. The entire federation has simply not been going in the direction I would like it to for months now, and while I probably wouldn't do anything as dramatic as the Total WCW Boycott I did from July 1994 - November 1995, I am already on the verge of not caring about anything outside of Malenko and Benoit. Putting Hogan against Piper in a cage match is the not the way to maintain my interest in the promotion, and any thrill I might have had from watching Sting v. Hogan is long dead.

I don't know how Steve Austin has maintained his heat level non-stop for the amount of time he has, and I don't know how he can do it until Wrestlemania when he finally claims the World title, but if anyone can do it, it's him. If he can heal fully, I fearlessly predict 1998 will be the year that RSPW gets sick of seeing Steve week after week with the title, although I will be delighted.

Wouldn't it be darkly ironic, sad and funny at the same time if Sting injured himself in his first match back while preparing for Hogan and was put out for another two or three months? At this point, I'd laugh for sure...

Until Disco Inferno and Alex Wright join the Village People, I remain the net.cop...