By "Net.cop" Scott Keith

If I may paraphrase fellow Canadian Alanis Morrissette, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you.

Btw, interesting sidenote, we here in Canada had to put up with listening to Alanis when she wrote crappy dance songs like "Too Hot" and based her whole career on her hair. Those living in the States are blessed enough to have not had to hear her first two (very bad) albums.

Um, as I was saying...

Recently, through a friend-of-a-friend, I acquired a bunch of old WWF Coliseum videos. You know, the big slew of them that the WWF released from 1986-1988 to capitalize on the success of, oh, EVERYTHING THEY DID. "Best of the WWF vol. 5" "WWF Grand Slams" "History of the Intercontintal Title", you know the ones.

So anyway, I was watching Hulkamania II (I know, I know, but it was there, so why not?) and they showed, in its entirety, the Benedict Orndorff saga. You know, Hulk doesn't answer his phone, Adrian Adonis plays shit disturber, Paul turns, they fight in Toronto, etc.

That's not the interesting bit.

The interesting bit is this: My roommate Zenon, who is only about a year younger than me, had never seen this. He knew that, at some point, Orndorff had turned on Hogan, but he had never found out how or why. And he's an even bigger fan than I am.

I found this to be fascinating.

There's many, many, things that I, as a wrestling fan, keep filed away for future reference in my rolodexical brain and pull out at will. I'm great at Jeopardy, btw. I've been assuming for years now that everyone just *knew*, without having to be told, why Hulk Hogan and Paul Orndorff didn't like each other very much. And suddenly I find out that the matches etched into my brain like engravings on a ring are not shared by everyone.

So with that in mind, I thought I'd just reminisce about some of the more famous feuds and moments in recent wrestling history, to give those of you who are newer to this great sport a bit of perspective on history.

1) The Hulk Hogan - Paul Orndorff feud.

Okay, let's start with this. Paul Orndorff has turned face (and heel, and face, and heel...) more times than just about anyone in history, and in 1986 he was a face. He formed an alliance with then-WWF Champion Hulk Hogan against the Heenan Family. Fair enough, but Orndorff is not the "second banana" type of guy, and Hogan is very much a spotlight-hogging type. The end result was that Orndorff kept getting forced into the shadow of Hulk. As you can expect, he didn't take this very well, and one week he and Hogan went on Adrian Adonis' "Flower Shop" interview segment and Orndorff confronted him. It seems Orndorff had called Hogan at the gym to arrange a contract to wrestle someone, but Hogan had not answered the phone, for whatever reason. Hogan, of course, managed to get Orndorff calmed down enough to sign a match with the Moondogs to show tag team solidarity, and the next week they would wrestle Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy to bring their plans to eliminate the Heenan Family to fruition. Hey, it was a simpler time.

So they beat the Moondogs, with Orndorff doing nearly all the wrestling to prove *he* was the better wrestler, and then the next week they faced Studd and Bundy, on national TV. Hogan shoved Orndorff out of the way on the way to the ring, and in the ring Hogan showed him up several times, including a bodyslam of John Studd, which Orndorff couldn't do. Finally, Hogan was accidentally knocked into Orndorff, sending Paul to the floor while Hogan was double-teamed. Orndorff made the save, clearing the ring. Then, in one of the most famous moments in wrestling history, Orndorff clotheslined Hogan and piledrove him. He then shook hands with the heels and went back to the dressing room with them, revealing that the whole thing was a setup all along.

Hogan and Orndorff wrestled each other 8 bazillion times, with Hogan winning every match. Their first match was the "Big Event" in Toronto's CNE stadium, and their last took place six months later on Saturday Night's Main Event, in the cage match where both guys dropped to the floor at the same time. Orndorff's career, like everyone else who turns on Hogan, was never the same afterwards, and Hogan still sucks.

2) Andre's giant heel turn.

Another famous turn on the Hulkster was Andre the Giant.

In 1986, the WWF started making a big deal about the fact that Andre had not been pinned in over 20 years, which was technically not true but good enough for the hype machine.

To commemorate this great achievement, WWF President Jack Tunney presented Andre with a trophy while he was being interviewed on Piper's Pit one week. Hulk Hogan congratulated him.

The next week, Hulk Hogan himself was presented with a *bigger* trophy, for having held the WWF title for 3 years. Andre was there to congratulate him, and commented that "Three years is a long time." He then walked off in the middle of Hogan's big speech.

The week after that, Hogan was interviewed again, and Andre came out and asked for a title shot. However, he came out with new manager Bobby Heenan, whom Andre felt he needed to help him secure the title shot. Hogan protested that Andre only had to ask, but we all know Hogan is full of shit and so did Andre. To prove it, he ripped Hogan's shirt and cross off right there, leaving him on his knees in shock.

The two met at Wrestlemania III, which had attendance nearing 100,000 people and set records for PPV which are still unmatched today. Hogan won after bodyslamming Andre for the first time in history and that was that.

Almost.

8 months later, Ted Dibiase tried to buy the WWF title from Hulk Hogan for a huge amount of cash. Hogan refused, so Dibiase did the next best thing: He bought the contract of Andre the Giant from Bobby Heenan and got Andre another title match, to be shown on prime time network TV.

During the match, Hogan was about to pin Andre, but Virgil distracted him, allowing Andre to get up. Andre hit Hogan with a lame suplex and Hogan lifted his shoulder at two, but the referee counted three anyway and Andre was the new WWF World champion. He immediately surrendered the title to Ted Dibiase and 33 million viewers were in shock. Just to confuse the issue, the referee's twin brother ran out of the dressing room to confront the referee (I am not making this up) and Hogan beat both of them up for good measure. I am of course referring to Dave and Earl Hebner.

Ted Dibiase never won the World title, although not for lack of trying, Andre the Giant is dead, Bobby Heenan is retired, Earl Hebner (the evil referee) is currently head referee for the WWF, and Hogan, of course, still sucks.

3) Roddy Piper's face turn.

Up until 1986, there was no bigger heel in the wrestling business than Rowdy Roddy Piper. In just about every territory in the US he terrorized everyone with his bad jokes, one-liners, and flagrant cheating. He brought this to the WWF (along with bodyguard Bob Orton) in 1984 and immediately shot to stardom there as well.

His most famous, and enduring, trademark was "Piper's Pit," a weekly interview segment conducted by himself, where he would berate guests verbally, and sometimes physically. Just ask Jimmy Snuka, who had a coconut broken over his head by Piper in one of the most classic moments in wrestling history.

In 1986, after a boxing match with Mr. T at Wrestlemania II, he took a leave of absense to shoot a movie. When he returned, his beloved Pit was gone, replaced by Adrian Adonis' "Flower Shop."

Obviously drastic measures were needed.

He confronted Adonis one week, and asked for a "Flower Shop" v. "Piper's Pit" segment the next week to determine the better show.

The next week, not only was Adonis there, but also ex-Piper bodyguard Bob Orton, on Adonis' side, along with hired goon Magnificent Muraco. Piper gamely went insult-to-insult with the three heels before finally they attacked him and rammed a chair into his knee several times, then painted his face with makeup and destroyed the "Piper's Pit" set.

Of course you knew, this meant war.

So the next week, before Adonis was scheduled to come out and do the "Flower Shop," Piper did a pre-emptive strike by limping out on a crutch and decimating the set with a baseball bat in one of the most famous moments in wrestling history. He then restarted "Piper's Pit," with less verbal abuse.

Piper and Adonis attacked each other for weeks, before finally signing a hair v. hair match at Wrestlemania III. Then, two weeks before the match, Adonis teamed with the "Dream Team" of Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine in a six-man match. During the match, Adonis tried to cut the hair of one of their opponents, but screwed up and cut Brutus' by mistake. Brutus, vain as they came, was not impressed.

At Wrestlemania, Adonis had Piper out with the sleeper, but let go too soon. Beefcake ran in, having been dumped by his team earlier in the night, and revived Piper, giving him the win in his retirement match. Beefcake then shaved Adonis personally, thus creating Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake in an unexpected side-effect.

Piper has since come out of retirement whenever the mood strikes him, Adonis is dead, Muraco is retired, Orton is semi-retired, Beefcake was injured in a boating accident and never truly recovered as a wrestler, and Hulk Hogan, as always, still sucks.

Next week: Some of the more famous angles from the NWA.

Until then, I remain the net.cop...