By Justin Baisden

Life has been a real bitch as of late mainly due to an ugly school schedule.  Finally I catch a break as I’ve got three days until my next exam.  I figured “Hmm… I’ll study a bit later, what tape haven’t I watched yet?”  As luck would have it, I got this PPV quite a few weeks ago but had no time to watch it until now.  I avoided results (except for the main event) so I could get a real PPV feeling out of it.  Hmm… it didn’t really help.  AH WELL… let’s hit it!

KANEMOTO/TAKAIWA/TANAKA vs SAMURAI/WAGNER JR/SILVER KING

RIGHT ON!  This is how every show on the planet should open; with kick ass junior action in straight tag or six man matches.  The matches mean nothing in the grand scheme of things but damn if they don’t usually rock the house and make sure the crowd is nice and heated up for the inevitable crap that will come later.  It’s been a long time since I last saw Silver King.  Probably has to do with my lack of watching any type of WCW TV for the past year.  He’s built like a brick house as is his brother Dr. Wagner Jr.  Looks like they’ve been using the same “protein supplements.”  Samurai and the “Wily Mexicans” are playing pseudo heels (or is that Rudos) for this match up.  Usual stuff to start as everyone gets in a little bit of action.  The match settles down with Samurai playing non-rudo in peril as Takaiwa hits a fireman’s carry into hotshot.  Tag to Tanaka and Kanemoto and they lay in some stiff kicks to the back.  Takaiwa gets the tag but Samurai gets in some forearm shots and makes the tag to the Wagner brothers.  Old school stuff as they pull out the double leapfrog into double elbow smash combo “Rockers style.”  They follow up with the Kaientai camel clutch – dropkick in the face.  I LOVE THAT SPOT!  More double team goodness as Wagner puts Takaiwa in La Tapetia and his partners come off the top with double ax handles.  Tag to Samurai who goes for a Tornado DDT but gets thrown off and Takaiwa hits a BIG TIME lariat.  He goes for a powerbomb but Samurai reverses into a BRUTAL DDT.  He goes for a swandive headbutt but no dice and Tanaka gets the tag.  He pulls out the SWEET fake kick into rolling leg bar combo but Samurai gets the ropes.  Tanaka goes for a German suplex but Samurai gets the standing switch with a Reverse DDT (what a surprise).  Tag to King who hits a bodyslam and a GORGEOUS Double Jump Moonsault.  Chris Chetti WISHES he could do it that well.  King charges in but Tanaka fires off a rolling Juji Gatame.  Tag to Kanemoto who hits the patented overhead belly to belly suplex for 2 and ½.  Kanemoto hits a huracanrana for 2 and ¾.  Irish whip but Wagner holds his brother and then King hits a BIG TIME lariat.  Wagner gets the tag and goes for his Michinoku Driver II on Kanemoto but he reverses into a rolling leglock.  Wagner is FUCKED!  Kanemoto is WRENCHING on it.  Wagner finally makes the ropes to a great applause.  Kanemoto hits the slam – senton combo but Wagner no sells.  GOOD!  ABOUT TIME SOMEONE NO SOLD THAT TIRED SHIT!  Wagner hits a DDT, followed up with a Superfly Splash for 2 and ¾.  A Crucifix Powerbomb gets 2 and ¾ after a Tanaka makes the save.  Samurai comes in, puts Kanemoto on the top and hits a SUPER REVERSE DDT!  Legal man?  WHO CARES!  Now Silver King hits a slam, then a standing moonsault, bottom rope moonsault, and a second rope moonsault!  AWESOME!  Wagner Jr. makes the cover but Tanaka makes the save.  Wagner charges in but Takaiwa jumps in and hits the DVD!  No sold by Wagner so Tanaka hits a missile dropkick.  AGAIN NO SOLD!  Kanemoto (remember the legal man?) hits a Falcon Arrow for 2 and 9/10 and puts it away with the moonsault.  ROCK ON!  ****

MICHIYOSHI OHARA/TATSUTOSHI GOTO/SLEDGE HAMMER/BRIAN JOHNSTON

Oh lord… come on New Japan, there’s got to be more juniors in the locker room.  They could have chopped this match off the card and given the opener an extra eight minutes but NOOOOOOO!  The match blows chunks despite the AWESOME Goto (now THAT’S sarcasm).  BOOOOOORING!  Ohara hits a chokeslam into a Juji Gatame on Hammer for the victory.  HORRIBLE!  ½*

LYGER/NISHMURA vs KOSHINAKA/YOSHIE

Yoshie dropped the “blind monkeys cut and dyed my hair” look he was sporting a couple of months ago and went for the poorly managed afro instead.  Ugh… Story of the match has Lyger not wanting to come into contact with Koshinaka’s ass.  Problem is that the ass attack and its many variations are Koshinaka’s primary weapons.  A Tokyo Dome main event between Koshinaka and Rikishi is inevitable.  The match itself is just below solid mainly due to fact that Yoshie drags down the workrate by simply being in any proximity to the ring.  His only purpose was to show Lyger’s determination as he attempts to slam the fat man twice before mustering all of his mighty junior squashing skills and slams Yoshie.  WOW!  It’s Hogan vs Andre all over again!  The match settles down as Fat Ass (my tag name for Yoshie & Koshinaka) work over Lyger’s leg.  Stomps, leg bars, butt attacks on the leg (guess who does that?  IT ISN’T BRET HART!) and a half crab are all pulled out.  Yoshie slaps on his reverse figure four but Lyger makes the ropes.  Tag to Koshinaka who hits a SUPER ASS ATTACK!  Well it’s got to be over now!  He goes for an Irish whip, reversed by Lyger who hits a drop toe hold.  He goes for La Majistral (surprised that move wasn’t used in the opener) but Koshinaka slips out.  Lyger’s right there with the running Shotei.  Hot tag Nishmura who’s a house of dropkicks until he tries on Yoshie but jelly belly absorbs it.  Irish whip and he hits a spinebuster for two.  Another Irish whip but Nishmura comes back with a choke sleeper segued into a BEAUTIFUL Octopus Hold.  Just to be a real prick, Lyger hits the Koppo kick while Yoshie is stuck in the hold.  Tag Lyger and they hit a slam – frog splash combo for 2 and ½.  The big moment comes as Lyger tries to go for his trademark Brainbuster on Yoshie.  YEAH RIGHT!  Tries once… twice… three times… HE HITS IT!   1…. 2… NO!  That little bit of drama really did have me on the edge of my seat.  Nishmura back in with an enzugiri followed up with a SWEET High Angle German suplex for 2 and ½.  He charges in but Yoshie hits the FAT ASS THESZ PRESS for two.  Yoshie hits the flapjack powerslam followed up with the reverse figure four and it’s all over.  Should have ended with the Thesz Press to put over Yoshie’s SUPREME FATNESS!  Rikishi vs Koshinaka vs Yoshie in a “3 Way Ass Attack Match” now headlines a future dome show.  **1/2

MANABU NAKANISHI vs SUPER J

Of course my night wouldn’t be complete without King Kong making an appearance.  He’s not even in a tag match so there’s no one to help him look good.  It doesn’t help that he’s facing former Special Forces Operative in charge of attacking Craig “Pot Belly” Pittman, THE COBRA!  Of course he’s now under a mask and has a two-foot hole in his ass from the steroids it would have taken for the body he’s sporting.  Something funny as the match goes on: The announcers (from what I could tell) are so bored with the match that they start talking about Kawada, Misawa and Akiyama for a little while.  I thought it was pretty funny considering NOAH doesn’t really work with New Japan per se.  They work with Zero One (wink wink, nudge, nudge).  Anyway, onto the crap as Nakanishi takes control with some clubberin.  He goes to work on the leg with some headbutts to the knee followed up with an interesting leg crank.  Super J makes the comeback with leg work of his own.  A simple question: WHAT’S THE POINT OF THIS?!  The leg work leads pretty much nowhere.  What a way to kill time that could have gone to the opener (yes I’m still harping on that).  Super J charges in but he’s met with a Mountain Bomb.  Donkey Kong goes for a torture rack but can’t pull it off.  Wow… what a pay off for all that time spent on the leg, one avoided piggy back of death.  Super J hits a slam and a flying clothesline for two.  Irish whip but he misses the Fake Stinger Splash.  Bubbles does the stupid monkey tantrum and hits a knee smash.  He goes for the Torture rack but J escapes and hits a spear.  He goes for the torture rack but Nakanishi blocks and slaps on THE CLAW!  Well that’s it, now the match is obviously the best ever when they channel the awesome power of Kerry Von Erich.  Nakanishi lets it go, hits a BIG SPEAR and ends it with a Torture Rack.  UGH… this match was EONS longer than it should have been.  It didn’t help that it involved the steroid stiff against Banana Man.  *3/4

  YUJI NAGATA/TAKASHI IIZUKA vs MITSUYA NAGAI/MASAHITO KAKIHARA

THANK GOD!  I was going to die if I had to watch any more crap.  It’s the best tag team in the world against the super stiff AJPW punks.  Life is good after all.  The match is wrestled 90% shoot style with LOADS of stiff kicks, punches, chops, and submissions.  A play by play would be really boring to a reader but trust me, watching it was tons of fun.  Jump to ¾ in as Kakihara plays MEGA DICK slapping on the Nagata Lock complete with insulting salute to the crowd.  I LOVE IT!  Nagata eventually makes the ropes.  Nagai gets the tag and fires off some stiff kicks.  Nagata tries to come back with a gamengiri but it’s ducked and Nagai slaps on a reverse leg lock but Iizuka makes the save.  Nagai charges in but Nagata fires off a stiff kick to the knee.  Kakihara jumps in but Nagata nails him with an Exploder suplex and now it’s PAY BACK TIME as Nagata slaps on the Nagata Lock to a MONSTER POP!  Nagai inches to the ropes but he’s pulled back in.  He tries again but Nagata denies him yet again.  Nagata switches up into a reverse leg bar but Nagai gets to the ropes.  Tag to Iizuka who hits a couple of forearms and an Exploder suplex.  He goes for a choke sleeper but that’s reversed into a cross face chickenwing.  Iizuka makes the ropes but Nagai holds on and switches up into a German suplex.  Nagai fires off some more stiff kicks including a NASTY one to the head but on the fourth one Iizuka grabs the leg and turns Nagai into a choke sleeper.  Nagata cuts off Kakihara from making the save and it’s all over.  There weren’t too many big moves or flashy stuff but I enjoy shoot almost as much as I do pro, so it’s all good.  ***1/2

HIROYOSHI TENZAN/SATOSHI KOJIMA vs SHINYA MAKABE/RIKI CHOSYU

Chosyu is CRAZY over with the crowd, easily getting the biggest pop of the night for with his entrance.  Tenzan and Kojima don’t do too badly for themselves in the cheer department though.  Then there’s Makabe… well 3 out of 4 isn’t bad.  Mullet Millennium Man and Chosyu start things off.  Chosyu forces Tenzan into the corner and lays in a blatant choke.  This isn’t some mealy mouth choke; you really get the impression that there’s a problem between the two of them.  Can you say worked shoot everyone?  Anyway, Chosyu adds icing on the cake with some trash talk WHILE CHOKING HIM!  TENZAN IS DEAD!  He drops face first and looks to be in all sorts of trouble.  Chosyu brings the pain with his usual versatile offense (i.e. punches and stomps).  Tenzan gets sick of it and hits a low blow but Chosyu doesn’t even sell it.  Makabe jumps in a hits a BRUTAL spear and nails a low blow just because the referee is AN IDIOT and doesn’t enforce any rules.  Chosyu waits for Tenzan to get up and you all know what’s coming; RIKI LARIATOOOOOOOO!!!  Chosyu slaps on the Sasurigatame and Kojima tries to save but Makabe cuts him off with another big spear.  Chosyu lets go, waits for Kojima to recover and hits another RIKI LARIATOOOOOOO!!  He makes the tag to Makabe and would you look at that?  The momentum changes.  Makabe plays useless wrestler in peril as the champs beat him down.  Kojima hits a waistlock suplex and fires Makabe into the corner but he comes right out with another spear.  OK… that’s getting just a little bit annoying.  Tag to Chosyu who rams Kojima’s head into the exposed ring corner.  Oh yeah… Makabe pulled the turnbuckle away in case you didn’t know.  Tag to Makabe who hits ANOTHER SPEAR!  FUCK THIS IS GETTING STUPID!  Tenzan gets sick of this garbage and attacks both guys.  Looks like the champs are sick of selling for the old man and the one move wonder. Tenzan hits a slam on Makabe and the champs pull out a SWEET swandive headbutt – slingshot elbow combo.  Kojima hits a nice powerbomb but Chosyu makes the save.  Irish whip and Kojima hits an in your face flying forearm.  He goes for the flying elbow but misses.  Tag to Chosyu and it’s lariat time but Kojima has none of it.  He ducks the lariat and hits a Kojima Cutter.  He pulls off the elbow pad and hits a BIG TIME lariat on Chosyu.  Ah… now there’s the inflated sense of self esteem.  Chosyu tries for the tag but Tenzan nails Makabe, thus giving Kojima time to hit another BIG TIME lariat.  Kojima slaps on a figure four and Tenzan comes off the top with a swandive headbutt.  NICE!  Tenzan holds Chosyu and Kojima hits another lariat.  This match is getting out of hand.  The referee has no clue how to enforce the rules.  Makabe is laid out, the champs are using tons of illegal double teaming and I feel like Jesse Ventura watching a Rockers match.  Kojima slaps on another figure four and this time Skunk Mullet 2000 comes off the top with the moonsault and that gets the pin.  I’m not even sure Tenzan was the legal man but WHO GIVES A FUCK?  CHOSYU JOBS!  CHOSYU JOBS!  The match had great heat thanks to the disgustingly over Chosyu.  The wrestling itself was pretty good but the ending was all over the place with the illegal double teams.  Still way better then I was expecting.  ***1/2

MASAHIRO CHONO vs DON FRYE

CRAP!  Just utter tripe of a match.  Frye pretty much squashes Chono with a focus on kidney shots.  Every so often the entire roster of Team 2000 interferes and beats down Frye only to have him fight off all of them.  Yeah… OK, that’s believable.  Chono got in about five moves and then Frye took over with a couple of sloppy suplexes and wins it via choke out. BOOOOOORING!  DUD!  Frye has no place in pro wrestling.  I’ve seen his stuff in UFC and it wasn’t bad.  He should go there and STAY THERE!  I, along with many others would appreciate him more (and by that I mean more than the zero we appreciate him now) in that setting.

KEIJI MUTOH vs KAZUNARI MURAKAMI

Hey look… it’s BOOOOOORING Part II.  In case you don’t know, Murakami is a respected young shooter out of Inoki’s camp.  The first couple of minutes are wasted rolling around the ring. Mutoh had absolutely no clue how to deal with Murakami.  He really looked lost trying to adapt to a shoot style.  Eventually he reverts to his old self, hitting a dragon screw, which woke up the crowd after they fell asleep during the Chono vs Frye match.  But guess what?  That’s the only pro wrestling move he was able to get off.  Mutoh puts it away in about eight minutes with his “Jumping Wizard” finisher, which is a fancy way of saying faggot knee to the head.  DUD!

KENSUKE SASAKI vs SHINJIRO OHTANI (IWGP Heavyweight Title)

YES YES YES!  Only THE BITCHMASTER can save what was a decent show from plummeting into hell.  Ohtani jumps Sasaki before the bell and works over the arm like a madman.  I don’t watch NJPW TV but I do own the 01/04/2001 dome show.  I’ve seen four singles matches with Sasaki and all four of them had the story of the match being based around Sasaki’s right arm.  Come on… that thing has to be dead by now.  Ah well… he lets up for a second and there’s a mistake as Ohtani takes a knee to the gut.  Sasaki lays in some stiff chops and he’s sure to sell the arm.  Sasaki goes for his cross corner bulldog but Ohtani ducks and throws Sasaki back into the corner and continues to work over the arm.  He fires off a couple of armbreakers and hits a SWEET springboard dropkick to the right arm.  Brilliant stuff from Ohtani.  He slaps Sasaki in the face not once but twice (tee hee) and hooks on a Juji Gatame.  Sasaki makes the ropes but Ohtani won’t let go.  Why?  Say it with me now people… because he’s THE BITCHMASTER!  The referee has to pull him off.  Ohtani fires off a couple of shots to the head but Sasaki has none of it and slaps the taste out of Ohtani’s mouth.  They go back and forth with more chops but Ohtani is smart enough to stop that cold with a spin kick to the arm.  BRILLIANT!  More arm work in the corner and Ohtani hooks the arm in the ropes and hits a running high kick to the shoulder.  He chokes Sasaki with his foot but Sasaki throws him down and hits a dropkick.  Irish whip and a powerslam gets 2 and ½.  Sasaki goes for a lariat but Ohtani dropkicks the outstretched arm.  I LOVE THIS SHIT!  Ohtani tries to lock in the Cobra Twist but Sasaki forces him back into the corner.  He heads out for a springboard dropkick but Sasaki hits a BRUTAL lariat sending Ohtani crashing into the guardrail.  Ohtani climbs to the apron and Sasaki tries for another lariat but Ohtani hits a shoulderblock and the springboard dropkick.  He heads to the other side and hits another one, this time to the injured arm.  Now… THE COBRA TWIST!  THIS CROWD IS HOT!  Sasaki gets the ropes but Ohtani holds on for the five count.  SHUT UP REF, HE’S GOT A FIVE COUNT!  Ohtani goes for it again but Sasaki elbows out and hits the Ippon Seionage followed up with THE LARIATOOOOOOO!  1… 2… 2.999999!  Sasaki goes for the Northern Lights Bomb but Ohtani slips out and goes for a German suplex.  That gets blocked so he hits the Cobra Twist again.  THE CROWD IS BLAZING!  Sasaki inches to the ropes but Ohtani pulls him back.  Sasaki makes one last ditch effort and just gets there.  Both guys look spent and you can see the end coming as they go back and forth with the slaps until Sasaki hits THE LARIATOOOOOOO!  He follows up with a nice powerbomb and ends it with the Northern Lights Bomb.  Pretty good match with the great psychology surrounding the arm.  Sasaki sold like a pro throughout the whole thing, which is a pretty rare occurrence for him.  Great crowd heat was the icing on the cake.  ***3/4

Final Analysis: Well… it’s a toss up on this show.  four matches at ***1/2+ isn’t anything to scoff at but the bad stuff was REALLY BAD.  If the main event didn’t deliver, this would have come off horribly.  The Mutoh and Chono matches were just horrendous.  Mutoh isn’t even a shade of a shadow of his former self.  Thank god he’s surrounded himself with talented guys like Kea and Hase, otherwise BATT would suck rocks.  As for Chono vs Frye, the key to a good Chono match is a good opponent and Frye definitely was not that man.  The match was squash city and when the guy doing the squashing is a low moveset, poor paced CRAPFEST of a pro wrestler, you know it can’t be good.  Unfortunately, there’s just too much garbage on this PPV.  I can’t recommend it to anyone aside from people that have to have everything they can (like me). 

Justin Baisden