Some disorganized thoughts: Never let it be said that Vince McMahon hasn't learned one thing, and that's how to recognize when an idea, no matter how grandiose, just isn't working. Especially when it hits him as directly in the pocketbook as the XFL did.

$70 million up in smoke. Wow, that's more than even Eric Bischoff was able to blow. Sure, Vince's share of the tab is "only" half of that, but that's still gotta hurt.

And not even a fixed tug-of-war against WWF heels as a sendoff present for the players.

The real pity is that some of the new rule ideas, the opening scramble, the mandatory scrimmage for the extra point, and so on, that really were quite sound ideas, will most likely be forever associated with the failure of the XFL and never seriously considered for the NFL.

Just something to think about the next time a 35-35 NFL game goes into OT and you realize the outcome of a game is probably going to hinge on the movement of a twenty-five cent piece.

Okay, enough of that, let's move on.

==

Last Monday... Rikiski was brought in to "arbitrate" a dispute between Vince McMahon and Mick Foley over whether Raw would have been better started off with a Foley cheap heat session or ten minutes of empty ring. Stephanie proved once again that a slap on the face is *not* a recommended way to win friends, as she instead personally goads Riki into a face turn which winds up leading to a stinkface for her by show's end.

Tonight... Rikiski takes on HHH, but first...

*****Y2P vs. Christian (w/Edge)

This match is the result of E&C's misfortune, while attempting to retrieve Kurt Angle's gold medals from Benoit "by any means necessary", of running smack into Benoit's tag partner Jericho.

Just as Paul Heyman (subbing tonight for Taz) has just finished chewing out Jericho's poor foresight in coming out alone when having two men on the other side was basically a given, out comes the Crippler to make him look silly. Cole states that Benoit does not have Angle's medals on his person tonight, and I suppose I'm just a little curious how he knows that.

Jericho gains the early upper hand with hold #184 (you'll have to ask Scott exactly what it's called, you know how bad I am with actual names). After a hip toss Christian rolls out, gets intimidated by Benoit, and is wide open to a baseball slide from Jericho. Back inside, Jericho soon consolidates his advantage into a Walls attempt, but Edge climbs the ropes to make him reconsider. In the confusion, Christian swipes the upper hand, but gradually the tide flows back in Jericho's direction again, and Jericho hits the bulldog, and goes for the Lionsault but Edge is right there with a right to the smacker in mid rope bounce. Benoit brawls with Edge, leaving Jericho to kick out of the subsequent cover on his own, which he does, barely. Edge manages to get on the apron during his brawl to bump with Jericho one last time, and that is enough to give Christian the rollup and the pinfall. Still, if Benoit hadn't taken the time to punch the fallen Edge, he might well have been able to make the save for his partner...

Undertaker arrives, and here's Mr. Fairness with some vague warnings that he'd best not stir up trouble. Taker blows him off, of course.

--

Undertaker inquires of Austin's whereabouts, then pulls out a chain. You can do the math yourself, I just want to know when Hercules is going to ask for that thing back.

*****Non-Prince Albert (w/X-Pac and Just In) vs. What About Raven (what about his seconds?)

In a rare show of goodwill, Albert's mates take seats with Heyman at the announcer's desk and play no further part in the proceedings. Not that it matters much, as Raven gets only slightly more than token offense in before running into a Baldybomb and a decisive pinfall. Most notable was that the crowd did *not* chant "X-Pac sucks" at any point in this match.

Undertaker, meanwhile, has come upon a doorway with a distinctive skull logo on it. Waitasec, Austin's private locker room has a swinging double door? That's... odd. Taker readies his chain and enters, but finds only an Austin merchandise display. So he decides to have himself a seat and wait for Austin to show up. There's our "A" storyline for tonight, folks, enjoy.

--

Only two episodes of Voyager left! Can Janeway finally show some basic competence?? Find out!

Austin, who has been watching the show so far, is not thrilled with the notion of walking into an ambush, so he does what his new heel persona dictates, and goes and whines to Vince about it. They then settle down for a brainstorming session.

Meanwhile, Spike Dudley is chatting with Molly Holly about the Acid Drop through the table he pulled off on Albert Monday. Crash, not convinced the discussion is so innocent, takes umbrage and challenges Spike to a match. Spike shrugs and accepts.

Meanwhile, Taker kills some time by modeling the merchandise on hand, taking out a big fat wad of Red Man and stuffs it in his mouth, just to tick off those truth.com people, and finally accepts a beer delivery on Austin's behalf.

Cut to Austin, who whines some more over these developments.

Now over to a stretching HHH. Coachman comes up for a quick interview. "Nobody put his hands on my wife," says H, referring to Rikiski's actions on Monday. The punch line to that is so obvious even Coachman can't help but blurt it out, though he does have the sense to run for cover immediately afterwards.

--

Let's review how Eddie Guerrero has proven inexplicably loyal to the Hardyz these past few shows.

*****The Hardyz and Lita vs. Right to Job Larry, Curly, and Curly Josephine

And the word is out that applications are being accepted for a new person for the role of Shemp, Steven Richards having been drummed out. And all along I thought the story was that it was Richards' charisma that was the group being together in the first place. Shows what I know, I guess.

Whatever, the change seems to have done some good as they have a surprisingly competitive match against a team that was making trouble for no less than Austin and HHH just a few weeks ago. A decent sequence involving strategic blind tags is rudely broken up when Ivory suddenly demands that she and Lita be tagged in. Gee, don't trouble yourself with such minor concepts such as "match flow" or anything like that. At the end of that segment, some confusion over who Lita tagged in leads to Jeff getting double-teamed, but that matters not as Eddie Guerrero strolls out to get all enigmatic on us again. But even before he gets there, Curly maroons himself on a turnbuckle and lets Jeff off the hook. Matt cleans house, and backdrops Larry out to break up the double team. Lita steps in to keep Curly Josephine busy. (Okay, the stooge metaphor is starting to break down here, but they can't keep this group together much longer -- can they?) Even with all this, Bull has somehow managed to take control of Matt in the ring, and only a subtle flight path change from Eddie prevents Bull from hitting what would surely have been a really cool move on Matt, even if it's not clear what it was going to be. Instead it's Matt with Twist of Fate and score up another loss for RTJ.

Riki/HHH next! But first!

Vince has an idea. Debra's just sitting here doing nothing. And she slapped the Undertaker full in the face just a week ago and didn't get a single broken bone out of the deal. So, Vince meekly suggested sending her in. Austin accepts the idea rather enthusiastically.

--

Debra duly arrives as dispatched, and dutifully demands UT's departure. Taker spits chaw on her. Well, that was both rude and not very alliterative.

Let's review how Steph talked her way into quite a bit worse than a dribble of tobacco juice on her blouse.

*****HHH (w/Stephanie) vs. Rikiski

Let's fast forward through Stephanie's description of the stinkface episode, which one-ups her graphic description of Austin's eye injury last week, and get right to the match. Those of you with good memories will recall that Riki's first taste of the upper card came from a match where he basically wrestled H to a stalemate. And so it proves similarly here, as the Game is set on his heels from the get-go. Neither man can get a lasting edge, even after a fairly neat spot where Riki not only counters H's Pedigree attempt with a back body drop, but makes his subsequent sunset flip attempt backfire as well by squashing him. Nothing complicated there, just a cool visual. Stephanie now interjects herself while her husband seeks out a chair. He brings one in, but Riki kicks it out of his hands and hits the leg drop, oh but Steph still has the ref. Finally she lets him go, and H is back up and has the chair again. Whack, DQ, like he cares. Pedigree follows, and then HHH holds him up for a vicious slap from the wife.

Just when it looks like things are about to get serious though, who should come out but Test, to make a liar out of me. He and HHH trade blows, but now here's the Big Show, who is more than happy to take Test off of Hunter's hands. But while this is happening Riki has recovered, nails HHH with a kick, and starts eyeing Steph once again, who obligingly drops right into position for another stinkface. Riki sets up for it, but meanwhile Show advances on him so Riki superkicks him instead. H rescues his wife, and now it's 2-on-1 in the ring. Riki with the corner splash on Show, Test following up with the big boot as the Hemlsleys flee the scene. Riki, too, wants to call it a day, but Test sees Show lying with his head propped on the bottom turnbuckle and has a nutty idea. Riki thinks it over, decides it sounds like a plan... Well It's a Big Stinkface! Show oversells it by acting all nauseous and stuff over it. The only real downside, of course, is that this means now we've got a Rikiski/Big Show feud, of which far less good can come than from a Chyna/Lita feud, whatever Scott says.

Cut back to McMahon Central, where Austin and McMahon somehow missed the tobacco spitting incident even though they'd been watching pretty much every other part of the show so far. Not to worry, though, Vince has just come up with Plan B...

--

Meanwhile, Stephanie was sufficiently upset by her close encounter of the gluteal kind that she insisted on leaving the arena immediately, taking HHH with her.

*****Spike Dudley (w/Buh-Buh and D-Von) vs. Crash Holly (w/Hardcore and

Molly)

As this would be a match between two performers who don't exactly get over on their size or looks, there ought to be something good here. Strangely, this soon becomes a "power vs. speed" kind of match, with Crash playing the "power" role. How weird is that? Over the course of the match, Crash hits a scoop slam, a vertical suplex and a powerbomb... read that again, CRASH HOLLY HITS A POWERBOMB... before falling victim to a surprise forward rollup into crucifix and a sudden pin in a way-too-short match.

Vince returns to Austin with his Plan B... Commissioner Regal. Uh huh. Vince must obviously be thinking of that smashing success Regal had in convincing the Undertaker to give up on his ambush plans against HHH a couple of months ago. Actually Regal did call the police eventually, that probably wouldn't be a bad idea here. Or at least get arena security. Where in the world are all those security guards from last week, anyway? Just a wee bit contrived, might this situation be? Nah.

--

Oh grumblesmark, they're starting the "Smack the Vote" thing again already??? I'm PRAYING here that this is just a by-product of them being in their home state of Connecticut and that this is NOT going to go for another eighteen months like this...

Meanwhile, Regal is very near to actually knocking on Austin's dressing room door. Stay tuned for further updates.

*****Edge (w/Christian) vs. Chris Benoit (w/Y2P)

This would be the "A" side of our opening match, no disrespect intended. They can permute the beejeezus out of this combo all they want, for my money.

Benoit dominates the early going the Canadian Way, even getting all the way to the Crossface with minimal resistance from Edge, but alas, far too close to the ropes. Edge finally gets the initiative with a reversed whip and a clip from behind. While the announcers tell us rather more than we needed to know about Angle's gold medals, Benoit battles back and retakes command with an enzuiguri. The Germans and the swandive follow, but Christian pulls Edge out of the ring before the three count (see, that's so much better than pulling the ref out... but shouldn't that be a DQ?) Jericho takes matters into his own hands, and it all spills to the outside. Ref bump happens, and while Jericho keeps Christian busy on the ramp, Benoit locks in the Crossface for real. No ref, but surely no hurry, right? Ah, but nobody counted on Kurt Ankle, who emerges from the crowd (Jericho's back being to the ring as he had the Walls on Christian) and emphatically breaks the hold. One Anglympic Slam later, the ref revives himself, and Edge makes it 2-0 for his team on the night.

Finally Regal works up the nerve to tap on the door and is granted entrance to the Undertaker's new yard. After patiently listening to about thirty seconds of tirade from the commish, Taker pours a half cup of the tobacky juice over Regal's head. From the people who brought you Henry O. Godwinn...

--

Edge and Christian, though thoroughly revulsed by the odor of Regal's latest fashion accessory, manage to submit their advance acceptance of a standard tag match against the Crippling Chrisses, mostly likely set for Raw on Monday. Strangely, despite Regal's elaborate cover story that the stains upon him were in fact a special blend of coffee, after the discussion E&C suddenly appear to know it was tobacco juice all along for the sake of the final punchline. Weird.

Rhyno cuts a promo for his imminent title defense.

And Taker is still drinking beer! Feel the hilarity! Oh, but he just ran out and starts trashing the room a bit. Then, in an effort to force the situation, he puts on Austin's vest, grabs his chain, and looks over the two belts sitting nearby, trying to recall through his drunken haze exactly which one of them is the WWF championship belt. While he ponders the matter let's go to break.

--

Back at Insurrextion, the UK PPV, Bradshaw, possibly with a little help from Test, scored a big win over the Big Show. PLOT POINT!

*****Bradshaw vs. Rhyno for the Hardcore title

It's actually well over a minute before the first prop comes into play, and it's the stairs. Finally Rhyno digs out a garbage can lid and we're back on familiar ground. And then it's off into the crowd, where Bradshaw actually pulls off a piece of the supposedly permanent railings around the stands to briefly use as a weapon. Backstage we go, into the packing crate zone. Bradshaw gets whipped into some crates, then Rhyno lines up... HE SHOOTS, HE misses... and takes out three cases himself. Bradshaw has control now, but out of nowhere comes the Big Show (see?) with a 2x4 right over Bradshaw's back. One chokeslam through the closest thing we're going to see to a table tonight, and Rhyno is once again beckoned to cover and retain his belt.

Meanwhile, Taker, having finally selected the correct belt, exits Austin's locker room with vest and chain also coming along for the ride. The only thing missing is that he doesn't say "My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin." The culmination of this gripping drama... NEXT!

--

Taker rolls out into the arena (the message on drinking and driving could use a little work here, but we'll worry about that some other time), does his usual lap, and climbs into the ring, to wait and see just how long Austin is going to keep him waiting. And it looks like he (and we) are going to have to wait just a little bit longer, as Mr. Fairness, who just realized he hasn't given the fans a chance to jeer him to his face tonight, comes out to begin a series of disarmament talks with the Undertaker. And much like the American-Soviet disarmament talks, these drag on for about thirty years. In the course of events, Taker consents to dropping the chain on the floor, and the vest (leather burns can be nasty, you know), and finally the title belt. Oddly enough, Vince lets him keep the microphone, even though that's almost as good a weapon as anything else around there. No, instead Vince gathers all the available folding metals chairs at ringside (no one will be admitted during the thrilling chair gathering sequence!), and piles them in a corner, under the pretense of putting them out of play, but in reality making them quite a bit more convenient to those involved.

Finally, with the scene sanitized to Vince's approval, Cold Foot Steve Austin makes his entrance into the arena. It's on like soupbone, but since Austin's a weak and cowardly heel now Undertaker quickly takes command of the brawl. So Vince picks up one of the folding chairs and taps Taker on the back with it. UT spins around and is all "now why'd you have to go and do something as stupid as that" and gives Vince the chokeslam in short order. But just then Austin is back on his feet and, taking down Taker from behind, beats him into the corner before stopping to pick up the chair Vince's brought in. Just as Austin is lining up the shot...

*BOOM*

Well, welcome back Kane, how ya been? Guess they figured out keeping him written out for too long just wasn't going to work. Austin, in an attempt to stop the double-team before it starts, goes after Kane with the chair, but Kane calmly stops him stone cold with a kick to the head. UT comes out, and now he's got the chair. Austin flees towards the announcers' desk, finds himself cut off at the pass by Kane, and ducks out into the crowd. That's it folks, show's over.

==

Well.

Take away the two Chrisses vs. Blondes matches and this one was a big fat steaming pile of nothing. Maybe the seeds of a couple of feuds on the other side of the next PPV (what's it called again? Did they even mention it on the show this week?) but that's about it. Oh, and Kane's back, after missing all of what, one week? That's not even enough time for us to miss him.

Oh, and Bradshaw and Rhyno was our main event.

And if that weren't enough, the Mavs are going to surpass my "get killed" prognostication and go all the way to "get humiliated off the floor".

There's one week I'll be happy to forget.

Next week: The triumphant return of... Linda!