by "Netcop" Scott Keith

- By popular demand (and because someone actually sent me tapes I hadn't reviewed yet) it's the return of the almighty Coliseum Video Rant. This week: Ricky Steamboat, and RAW: Prime Cuts.

Tape #1: Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat.

- This is from about 1986ish.

- Opening match, IC title: Greg Valentine v. Ricky Steamboat. Steamboat chops Valentine, who bails as Jimmy Hart screams about "No karate!". See, it's supposed to be illegal. Steamboat hits Liger's series of palm thrusts, followed by a Hennig necksnap. Cool stuff. He backs Hammer into the corner with a martial arts pose, then kicks him right in the face. Damn, Ricky's my new hero. It gets two. Cross-body gets two. Valentine takes over in the corner and drops a couple of elbows onto Steamer's throat. Steamboat comes back with the TOP ROPE CHOP OF DOOM for two. Big splash hits the knees. Match is suddenly clipped (DAMN YOU) as Valentine goes for the figure-four and gets cradled for two. Valentine punches Ricky coming off the ropes and Steamboat nearly does a header over the top rope. Now that's OVERSELLING~! Steamboat hulks up and comes back in for a slugfest that he gets the better of. Crowd is pumped. Big chop gets two. More chops and Steamboat ascends the turnbuckle for the crossbody, but Valentine gets his feet on the ropes. Valentine with a backdrop suplex and elbow for two. He winds up the big elbow for another two. Figure four, but Steamboat kicks off and makes another comeback. More chops, and an enzuigiri sends Valentine flying over the top rope. Hart helps him back in, but he doesn't beat the count. 1 for 1.

- Steamboat is a guest on Jesse Ventura's Body Shop. Hogan is SUCH a Jesse ripoff. Jesse makes fun of his name and warns Steamboat that kung-fu is illegal. Steamboat rebukes it all with a straight face.

- Becoming the Dragon: The Three Moments of Truth. Mean Gene interviews Ricky at the Temple of Cheng-Lao. We get some Steamboat training flashbacks that are right out of a bad Bruce Lee movie. First test: He fights off some masked ninjas on a bridge. None of them were Al Snow, as far as I know. Second test: More ninjas, this time with kendo sticks. Third test: He has to fight off Pat Patterson after a night of drinking. No wait, it's actually more ninjas. You know it's a fake ninja because he's wearing sneakers.

- Ricky Steamboat v. Brutus Beefcake. No DQ, no countout. Beefcake jumps him before the bell and gains the advantage right off the bat. He hits Ricky with his stunning array of kicks and punches until Ricky comes back. Beefcake is useless this early in his career. Here's where match clipping is a Good Thing. Steamboat gets the bodypress for two, but the houselights come on. We start again and Johhny V hooks the leg, allowing Beefcake to get the pin. Nope, ref decides he saw it and restarts again, allowing Steamboat to get a cradle for the pin. Close but not quite. 1 for 2.

- We take a look at Magnificent Muraco hanging Ricky Steamboat, via Tuesday Night Titans. The match in question sees Muraco blading about 10 seconds into the match, and Fuji and Muraco do the infamous hanging, using the belt from Steamboat's gi to choke him out, then tying it to the top rope. Muraco uses his own belt to whip Steamboat for kicks. Muraco cuts an awesome heel interview, gloating over the incident.

- Ricky Steamboat v. Mr. Fuji. From an episode of Superstars. Steamboat attacks him from behind and does his own hanging job on him. Fuji somehow manages to come back and hits the HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN OF DOOM. Fuji's doing a darn good job of keeping up with Steamboat, surprisingly. Well, except for the nerve pinch. Steamboat comes back with the flying bodypress, but it only gets two. A schoolboy rollup gets three. Not exactly Flair from 89, but it served it's purpose. Don Muraco jumps him from behind a good ol' fashioned beatdown results. 2 for 3.

- Ricky Steamboat v. Magnificent Muraco. This is subtitled "The Dragon's Revenge". Not sure where this is from, but the arena is huge. Muraco bails early and stalls. Dragon gets some high impact offense and Muraco rolls right onto the announce table for sanctuary. Muraco sucker punches Steamboat to take control. It should be noted that Steamboat has segued from his gay-looking leotard-and-slippers combination to a proper boots-and-tights combo. Muraco works the throat, setting up the Asiatic Spike. He was definitely getting into pudgy territory. Ah, Gorilla tells us we're in the Cap Center in Washington, DC. A plethora of slams from Muraco and Ricky is totally taking a pounding here. The announcers keep selling Muraco's piledriver. Steamboat makes the comeback with a couple of slams and an atomic drop that traps Muraco in the ropes. He *always* does that "head caught in the ropes" spot. They fight to the floor and Steamboat hits a chop from the top rope to the apron, then suplexes Muraco in. Steamboat tries to nail Muraco with some chops, but Dick Wohrlie keeps pulling him off. WTF? Steamboat grabs the cane from Fuji and the ref grabs the cane from him. This allows Muraco to put a foreign object on his hand and ram it into Steamer's throat for the pin. Good match. 3 for 4.

- Steamboat on Piper's Pit. Piper spazzes out and accuses Steamboat of cheating. Crowd chants bullshit, and Steamboat calls him "Rodney" to piss him off.

- Ricky Steamboat v. Davey Boy Smith. From the Wrestling Classic. Nice mat stuff to start, as they exchange two counts. Davey gets a military press for two. Another one for two. Steamer comes back, but misses a splash. He leans against the ropes and Davey dives at him, but crotches himself on the top rope and the referee stops the match immediately and gives it to Steamboat. I believe this was a legitimate injury, actually, because the match only ran about two minutes and it looked to be booked to run about 5-10. 4 for 5.

- Ricky Steamboat v. Randy Savage. Again from the Classic, this time the second round. Savage hides behind Liz and backjumps Steamboat. Steamboat takes control with his usual chops, but Savage nails a backdrop suplex and goes for the double axehandle. Steamboat catches him coming down and kneelifts him to take control again. Savage bails and Steamboat catches him on the way out and suplexes him back in. Flying bodypress gets two. Steamboat didn't really have a finisher back then, I guess. Macho bails again and pulls out a foreign object, then nails Steamboat for the pin. Too short, but still good. 5 for 6.

Bottom Line #1: Sadly, the tape is only about 90 minutes long. 6 matches isn't enough, dammit! We want more! This, of course, is an easy winner.

Tape #2: Monday Night RAW, Prime Cuts.

- This is a tape from 1994 that showcases the hilights of RAW from 93-94.

- Opening match, Intercontinental title: Shawn Michaels v. Marty Jannetty. Shawn was stupid enough to challenge ANYONE to a match, and Marty answered. Marty gets a couple of quick rollups to start. He clotheslines Shawn out, baseball slides him, and then hits a pescado. Crowd chants "Marty". Shawn runs and Marty tosses him back in. Superkick from Shawn misses and Marty hits an armdrag and flying headscissors for two. Backdrop and Shawn gets tossed over the top. He grabs the belt and takes off, but Mr. Perfect stops him and chases him back. Janetty slingshots him back in and tries another headscissor, but Shawn drops him on the top rope. Rights in the corner and Shawn drops a knee on him. Chinlock from Shawn, and Marty escapes, but Shawn dropkicks him down again. He tries another, but gets caught and slingshot into the corner for a two count. Jannetty with a flying elbow and powerslam for two. Flying bodypress for two. Atomic drop, but Shawn reverses, and Marty reverses for a rollup for two. Shawn reverses that for two. Superkick, and Shawn mouths off Perfect. Perfect tosses his towel at Shawn, and Marty cradles for the pin and his only major singles title. This match got ***** from Meltzer and won Match of the Year in 1993. 1 for 1.

- Razor Ramon v. "The Kid". See, this skinny jobber called the Cannonball Kid got squashed by Doink one week, then came back as the Kamikaze Kid and squashed by Mr. Hughes, so this week he's just The Kid. Ramon smacks him around in the corner and biels him halfway across the ring. Blockbuster suplex. Ramon whips him to the corner, but misses a charge and (in one of the most famous moments in wrestling history) the Kid moonsaults off the top and pins him. Thanks to this, Ramon turned face, and the Kid was redubbed the 1-2-3 Kid. And today, of course, he's known much better as X-Pac. 2 for 2.

- RAW moment: Doink dumps a bucket of water on Bobby Heenan.

- King of the Ring qualifier: Doink v. Mr. Perfect. They had fought twice before to no decision, and this is the rubber match. One Doink hides under the ring while another sprays Lord Alfred Hayes outside. Doink's old music was so great. Doink tosses Perfect with his own towel, but Perfect does the same to Doink. Slugfest. Perfect does the kneebreaker thing and a spinning toehold. He wraps the knee around the post and we take a commercial break. Well, it's tape, so not really, but we come back two minutes later with Doink in control. Hennig counters a fireman's carry takedown with a headscissors. Classic Heenan quote: "Doink is like Jello -- there's always room for more". Perfect goes back to work on the leg, then applies a freaky looking figure-four. They fight outside, and Doink wraps Perfect's arm around the post, then goes to work on it. Hammerlock slam. Man, Bourne is ON here. Another break, and we return with Hennig making the comeback. Doink takes a spill to the outside and Doink II runs in and hides under the ring. They switch places while Bobby denies it's happening. Doink II (Steve Keirn) of course gains control, but puts his head down and gets Perfectplexed for the pin. 3 for 3. Doink beatdown results. Crush makes the save.

- IRS v. PJ Walker. IRS spent weeks mocking Ramon about losing to the Kid. About 30 seconds in, the face-turned Ramon wanders out and distracts IRS, allowing Walker to get the pin. The match wasn't quite as famous...oh, but you probably know Mr. Walker by another name. He was repackaged with a dumb gimmick and then sent to ECW...as Justin Credible. Cool, huh? 4 for 4.

- A behind the scenes look at the technical side of RAW.

- The Crush-Savage Peace Summit. Crush has the heel goatee and Mr. Fuji with him, so you know it's a heel turn. CRZ and others can give you the full rundown of this feud, but it's a great one. Bobby Heenan stirs up shit, just to be himself. Crush runs down Savage in a great heel interview, and Savage asks him to calm down and dump Fuji. Crush accepts the proferred handshake (after much cheering from the crowd) to a big pop...then wipes out Savage when he turns his back. Heh heh. Yokozuna and a beaming Cornette join the fun and drop a few Banzai Drops. Savage bleeds from the mouth for fun. 5 for 5.

- A RAW moment: Shawn cuts an interview outside and gets into a brawl with Mr. Perfect, who proceeds to dump him on a conveniently placed car, breaking the windshield in the process. Great bump.

- WWF title match: Yokozuna v. Crush. Why are they showing this out of order? Anyway, this is the match that caused the problems between Savage and Crush. They should recycle Crush's music from this period -- it STILL kicks ass. The crowd sings the national anthem just to piss off Yokozuna. Crowd is rabidly behind Crush. I (and others) still maintain that if Crush had been properly booked at this time (ie NO HEEL TURN) then he could have been the successor to Hulk Hogan, easily. Crush controls with power moves and a Sting splash, but the second one misses and Yoko comes back. We're clipped to a Crush comeback as he clotheslines the champ down. A shoulderblock off the top gets two. Crush goes to the top again, but Fuji hits him with the flag and Yoko runs through his finishing sequence -- belly to bellies suplex, Hulkbuster legdrop, and Banzai drop for the pin. Crowd dies. Yoko drops another buttdrop out of spite. Crush is still moving, so he does it again. Tatanka tries to make the save, but that just pisses Yoko off so he does a fourth one, just to teach him a lesson. Randy Savage finally runs in to pull Crush out of harm's way. Another great segment. 6 for 6.

- The official Summerslam contract signing. Jim Cornette makes his debut as Yoko's "Official American Spokesperson". Cornette reveals that the contract Luger signed contained a clause stating that Luger gets exactly one shot at the title. 6 for 7.

- RAW moment: Doink is fighting Randy Savage. Savage crawls under the ring and produces the Macho Midget.

- Tag team title match: The Steiner Brothers v. the Quebecers. This is Province of Quebec rules, as written by Johnny Polo. Titles change hands on countout or DQ, piledrivers and top rope moves are illegal, and throwing an opponent over the top is illegal. Basically it's a parody of all the dumb DQs in the NWA. Why would the Steiners ever sign this match? Jacques gets powerslammed by Rick right off the bat. Pierre comes in and gets Tigerbombed by Scott. Dropkick gets two. Pierre comes back with a clothesline off the second rope for two. Rick comes in and tries a piledriver, but of course Scott warns him in time. We take a break and return with Jacques getting dumped to the outside. Pierre comes in and gets dominated by the Big Bad Booty Daddy. The Steiners trade off on a half-crab. Jacques breaks it up twice but the Steiners don't sell. Johnny Polo wanders out, making his debut as the manager of the Quebecers with a Canadiens jersey that reads "We're the Quebecers Jacques and Pierre and I am Johnny". Yes, it all fit. He was way funnier as Polo than he is as Raven. We take another break and Scott gets caught with a cheap shot and double-teamed. Good stuff. Wicked legsweep/clothesline combo, for one. Scott hits a nasty looking DDT on Jacques and a pier-six erupts. The Quebecers hit their finisher -- the Boston crab / legdrop combo, and another pier-six erupts. Scott double clotheslines the Quebecers and makes the hot tag. Another pier-six and Scott hits the Frankensteiner, but Jacques makes the save. Johnny Polo baits Rick into going for the hockey stick, which Scott gets and nails Jacques for the DQ....giving the titles to the Quebecers. Well, the ending was cheap, but it was within the defined rules. 7 for 8.

- RAW moment: Bobby finds two people in the front row, and the man proposes marriage...after Bobby asks the woman to hold his dirty hankie.

- 20 man battle royale, with the finalists fighting for the vacant Intercontinental title. Lesse, we've got Savage, Tatanka, Giant Gonzales, the MVP, Rick Martel, Razor Ramon, Mabel, Diesel, Marty Jannetty, Bastion Booger, 1-2-3 Kid, Adam Bomb, Bam Bam Bigelow, Jacques, Pierre, Owen Hart, Jimmy Snuka, IRS, Mr. Perfect and Bob Backlund. Of these guys, 7 are in WCW right now, and only 3 are still in the WWF. Everyone gangs up and knocks the Giant Gonzalez out early. Standard battle royale follows. Diesel gets Mabel out. IRS gets dumped by Ramon. Jacques almost dumps Razor while he taunts IRS, but Savage makes the save. Kid gets tossed by Booger. Big Poochie charges Perfect and gets dumped. We take a break and come back with Martel backdropping Snuka out. Bigelow dramatically tosses Perfect. Jannetty makes a blind charge at Adam Bomb and goes bye-bye. Tatanka does the same and suffers the same fate. Astonishingly, MVP is still in. Savage flicks Booger over the top. Bigelow gets dumped by Ramon and we go to break. We come back as Owen kicks MVP over the top, then gets tossed himself. We're down to Savage, Adam Bomb, the Quebecers, Rick Martel and Razor Ramon. Quebecois double-team Ramon while Martel & Bomb take on Savage. Savage fireman's carries Bomb out of the ring, who is then dumped by the Quebecers, leaving Ramon against Martel and the tag champs. They slap him around for a while, but a triple dropkick doesn't work. Ramon goes after all three, but they beat him down again, taking turns dishing out the punishment. However, the old heel miscommunication knocks the Quebecers out, leaving Rick Martel and Razor Ramon as the winners. Good match. 8 for 9.

- Intercontinental title final: Razor Ramon v. Rick Martel. Decent but cookie-cutter match, which Martel controls for the most part, until Ramon makes the comeback to claim his first Intercontinental title. Three more would follow. About 13 minutes long, and it's late and I can't be bothered with the play by play. 9 for 10.

The Bottom Line #2: If you weren't around for this period and haven't seen this stuff before, rent this tape! Great, fun stuff all around and a couple of classic matches to boot. Can't ask for more than that.

Overall: Home run tonight! Both are easy winners. Tomorrow, we'll do the other half of the tape I was sent: Slamfest 95, and Razor Ramon. But at an amazing cumulative score of 14/16, tonight's viewing has the best quality-to-crap ratio I've ever gotten on one of these things.