Shown below is what Columbus is supposed to get and what Columbia is supposed to get. For what good it does, I apologize for the WWF having shows at the same time in two places with such similar names. My comments are shown in green:

WWF Live in Columbus, Georgia (That's me)

Date : 02/04/2001 (Birthday of Charles Lindbergh, Clyde Tombaugh [discoverer of Pluto], and boxer-wrestler Primo Carnera)
Time : 7 p.m.
Venue : Columbus Civic Center (Overlooking the Chatahoochee river, where Alan Jackson is skiing 24 hours a day over on CMT)
City/State : Columbus , Georgia

Ticket Information : Tickets are available at the Box Office and Tickets.com outlets. Charge-by-phone at (888) 332-5200.
Ticket prices are $35, $30, $22 and $17. (I got a $35 ticket, because we're such big freakin' spenders here)

Event Card : Updated Feb. 1 (Or, after booking Smackdown! XTreme)
World Wrestling Federation Championship:
Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho (Oh. That explains them being on the billboards all over town and not the Rock or Triple H or Stone Cold)
Chris Benoit vs. X-Pac (Snap him like a twig! Snap him like a twig!)
Hardy Boyz w/ Lita vs. Eddie Guerrero & Perry Saturn (Oh, yeah!)
Edge & Christian vs. Acolytes (Oh, yeah, volume II!)
Steve Blackman vs. Albert (They now have matches for the personality impaired?)
Too Cool vs. Kaientai (My guess is, this will not be a terribly serious match)
Hardcore Holly vs. Big Boss Man (You cannot have a show in Georgia without the Bossman. It's Da law)
Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline (Trish is the other one on all the billboards)
Haas Brothers vs. Samoans (I wonder if this means Haku and Rikishi?)

Card is subject to change.

... meanwhile, 318 miles (512 kilometers) to the north and east ...

WWF Live in Columbia, South Carolina (or, "not-me")

Date : 02/04/2001 (Also the birthday of Chastity Bono, boxer Oscar De La Hoya, and football great - wrestler Lawrence Taylor )
Time : 7 p.m.
Venue : Carolina Coliseum (Probably overlooking the slums and a vacant lot)
City/State : Columbia , South Carolina

Ticket Information : Tickets are available at the Box Office, Capital ticket outlets or charge-by-phone at (803) 251-2222.
Ticket prices are $35, $28, $22 and $18. (Similar pricing structure, I see)

Event Card : Updated Feb. 1
Stone Cold Steve Austin, Undertaker & Kane vs. Triple H, Haku & Rikishi (Pretty loaded main event. Haku's getting to work the bigtime right away, and I'll bet that's fun for him - especially here in Georgia where he was playing to empty houses a few weeks ago)
Big Show vs. "The One" Billy Gunn (I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that Nova will not be taking credit for any move in either wrestler's moveset)
Tag Team Title Match:
Dudley Boyz vs. Goodfather & Bull Buchanan (I'm already calling for the tables)
Hardcore Title Match:
Raven vs. K-Kwik (Why would they name a wrestler after a chocolate drink?)
Women's Title Match:
Ivory vs. Molly Holly (by golly)
Crash vs. Val Venis (This might be fun)
Al Snow vs. Brooklyn Brawler (Rats! I like Al Snow)
Too Cool vs. Kaientai (These teams are so fast, they'll be in two states at one time)

Card is subject to change.

On balance, I think we are getting the better show, but Columbia gets the big Main Event. I have never seen SCSA live, so that's kind of a bummer. Well, we will see what actually materializes. It's a tribute to how loaded the WWF roster is that we can be missing the Rock, Triple H, Stone Cold, Kane and the Undertaker and not really feel it.

I sure hope they've fixed the sound system since last year. Last year, the sound quality was about that of the drive-in restaurant in "American Graffiti". And, since I notice that, finally, the Rock has come back to... nowhere, that leaves Angle, Edge, Christian and Jericho to do whatever entertaining mic work there is to do at the Columbus show.

Chyna isn't in either show, because Chyna will be busy turning handspring(elbow)s in an effort to sell books. If her sales on that book are much better than Goldberg's or DDP's, I'll be very surprised. But what do I know? The Ross Report says Chyna's Playboy issue outsold Sable's, which means either (a) Chyna is indeed all that as a sex symbol and everybody sees it but me; or (b) the Chyna issue had MUCH BETTER ARTICLES.

February 3rd, 2001 (Saturday Morning)

The Columbus Civic Center is a relatively new structure, finished in 1996 or 1997, I believe. It's nice inside, has great food for a sports arena, and seats around 10,000. Oddly enough, our biggest draw here, besides wrestling, is our hockey team. Maybe Georgia should secede from the Union and apply to Canada as their newest province. Seems like we tried the secession thing once, but, if at first you don't secede...

Okay, that WAS uncalled for. At any rate, there are days I'm sure the rest of Canada would take us for Quebec.

Back on point, I'm going to check out seating at:

http://www.columbusciviccenter.com/SEATLOCS.HTM

Hmmm. Last year, I was in section A03. This year I'm on the floor. The wrestlers enter from what is labeled "stage". Shouldn't be bad at all.

This will be the third wrestling show I've seen there. I saw the WWF last year and I saw WCW Monday Nitro there back in the day. Actually, I should say I didn't see Nitro there, because roughly half of the episode took place in the parking lot, and they didn't bring the "Nitrotron" or whatever you call the big TV screen, so half of the time we had no idea what was going on and just sat around on our hands.

Now, since I don't normally do show reviews, I think I'll read all the house show reviews I can find to see what I think works and what doesn't...

... well, that blew painful dry chunks. With one exception, every house show review I read was about as interesting as watching grass grow. I'll have to try something different, although my experience has been, when you try to be different, you end up pretty much exactly like everybody else. Which brings me to my first official tangent (tm, TTA Enterprises, 2001, all rights reserved, no rights allowed) of this article:

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FORUM - A Mini-column

When the lights were turned off in the Delphi message board January 31st, 2001, it was the end of - well, not really anything, since there is still an active Rantsylvania message board - albeit elsewhere - and about 162,000 other Delphi wrestling boards. Still, for the sentimental among us, the place had it's own history and charm.

I'm the wrong person to be writing this, because the sight of an abandoned strip mall throws me into fits of depression for days and I am told that I am way too sensitive to loss. However, losing things does give life perspective.

I got divorced three years ago (I have since remarried). One of the discussions I most vividly remember being involved with out on Delphi was one with "Tall Skinny White Guy" Shawn Mullins, who caught me blasting all people of a certain type - I'd rather not say what type, other than that my ex-wife is one - and he called me to task for it. He said I was being too extreme (but not as extreme as Smackdown! XTreme, of course) and unfair to people at large. He was right and I was wrong.

Most people go to message boards to be entertained or maybe informed and not for therapy. Still, at its best, a message board forum can have a whole range of human interactions.

I've written repeatedly about the message board, because it fascinates me how little sense of irony so many wrestling fans have, particularly when they:

- Split into factions, which then disintegrate due to infighting.
- Cut promos on ("flame") each other, then get offended when others do it to them.
- Want to be in charge, set up there own organizations, then fall apart.

I mean, jeez, have these people learned nothing from watching wrestling all these years? All factions fall apart, personal attacks get met with personal attacks, and it looks easier to run things than it is.

It is much, much easier to tear down than to build. That is why the builders (wrestling promoters, wrestlers) get paid the big bucks, while the tearer-downers (critics) have to settle for $35 seats at Sunday wrestling shows in Columbus, Georgia.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled article.

= = = = =

You never know who will look good to you when you see them live. When I first saw the Big Bossman, back in 1987, he was really impressive. I saw Bad News Brown (as he was then known) around that time and he just ruled it live. When I saw WCW, a few years ago, both Randy Savage (who looked great) and Hugh Morrus (of all people) made great impressions. Last year, it was Dean Malenko and Edge.

I don't think I've ever seen Chris Benoit live, although there is a picture up of him in one of the downtown pubs, so he probably came here a lot with WCW. It's possible he was with WCW when they did Nitro here, but I (and I know this is heresy) can't remember if he was here. There is at least a fair chance he was in Columbus for that show, but in the parking lot the entire time.

I don't know... pictures of Jericho and Trish on our billboards... Benoit's picture up at the pub... the town loves hockey... we may already be part of Canada and not even know it.

February 4th, 2001 (Sunday Afternoon)

Okay, I think I'll take this strategy:

1. Be there when the doors open and hit concessions before the show.

2. Bring a tape recorder and tape my reactions to matches rather than try to take notes. Whatever I need to write down I'll write on the program.

3. Keep a few arbitrary counts, like number of punches, holds, near falls, and so forth.

4. Write the review without any attempt to have a writing style other than what I normally do - whatever that is.

Five hours to show time.

February 4th, 2001 (Sunday Evening)

When I get there the place is about 1/6th full, but I'm there more than an hour early. I estimate after awhile that place will be about ¾ full, which is about 7,500 people. Doing a little quick math, I get

Gate: $187,500 estimated + $150,000 in merchandise = roughly $1/3 Million. Not bad when you're running a bigger show elsewhere at the same time.

Merchandise sales: More than half of what I see people wearing Stone Cold stuff. The Rock is next, then the APA, Y2J, and all others. I'm one of the very few idiots in the crowd wearing Kurt Angle medals. But, there's no place an idiot feels quite at home as in a crowd.

Actual matches, with results:

1. Haas Brothers beat Samoans with a roll-up, ~7 minutes.

The King and the Kat come out and shill for the XFL and Raw tomorrow, ~ 7 minutes.

2. Hardcore Holly beats the Big Bossman with a roll-up (your finishing move of choice for the evening), ~10 minutes.

3. Trish pins Jackie after Edge spears her, 4 minutes.

4. The APA win with a Farrooq spinebuster on Edge, 12 minutes.

- Intermission -

5. Steve Blackman pins Albert with - you guessed it - a roll-up, ~ 8 minutes.

6. X-PAC TAPS TO THE CRIPPLER CROSS-FACE, ~ 8 minutes.

7. The Hardy Boyz defeat Perry Saturn and Eddie Guerrero with a Twist of Fate - Swanton combo, ~17 minutes.

8. Kurt Angle defeats Chris Jericho with a low blow / Olympic Slam combo, ~21 minutes.

You might wonder why someone who calls himself an actuary kept such hazy time statistics. Well, I was keeping a few others:

Total Counts

Which gives the following totals:

Total Time (minutes) 87

Only 7 chops the whole night, all thrown by Chris Jericho.

Thoughts on the performers:

· The Samoans are two big fat guys, but they fit a lot of wrestling in 7 minutes.
· Jerry Lawler is like Dusty Rhodes - the man is a pro, he can work a crowd. He also looks like he's lost a lot of weight.
· Trish messed up every move she made. I like the lady, but she just did.
· The APA rule it. Farooq looked great. Edge and Christian kind of phoned it in tonight, but even on an off night they're pretty dang good. It's amazing the APA stay over without ever winning any big matches.
· Albert works as hard as anyone at selling and getting the crowd into a match. I don't think the guy gets a break - he's definitely getting better.
· Both Benoit and X-Pac got big pops, but X-Pac's was larger. The credibility of the Cross-face hasn't died in Columbus, and X-Pac, selling it like he was being stretched in Stu Hart's basement, tapped in about 5 seconds.
· The Hardy Boyz are bulking up. The best heels of the night go to Eddie and Saturn, who know how to get heat and wrestled a great match.
· Jericho had the crowd believing at least 5 times that he was about to win the title. The match finished amazingly strong after a lackluster start. They managed to get the crowd into it by fighting into the stands, then kept the crowd the rest of the match.

Thoughts on the overall show:

Amazing. Without any of their biggest name, top tier stars and with no hope of any title changes, the WWF puts on a show that worked. Big Props to the performers for busting butt in front of as small a venue as they probably ever play, especially the Haas Brothers, the Samoans, the King, Jackie, the Acolytes, Albert, X-Pac, Benoit, the Hardyz, Lita, Saturn, Guerrero, Jericho, and Angle, all of whom came with their proverbial working boots on.

On the complaint side, Trish Stratus, who I usually like, had no business being in the ring. Edge and Christian may be getting a little burned out. It might help house show business if occasionally titles changed hands there. And there have to be other finishers besides roll-ups. Still, on balance, a good show.

It might even be better if 43.2% of the action in the ring wasn't punches or kicks.