By Scott Keith

The (FINALLY) Updated Guide to Every PPV, Ever (WWF Edition).

- Faithful Wrestlemaniacs followers will likely recall that back in 98/99, I did a couple of columns where I basically summarized, well, every PPV ever. It was in three parts, and we left off in mid-1999, and in the two years since then I’ve had many people bug me off and on about an update since then. Well, since I’m BORED AS HELL with the current WWF product, it’s more content for your reading pleasure! We’ll do this in three shots: WWF, WCW and ECW/Misc. Considering my current apathy, I’ll probably have them all submitted by the end of the night, just to annoy Wrestleline even more.

Note to nitpickers: If my recommendations here disagree with my original feelings on the show, I probably already know about it and probably don’t care that my mind has changed in the time that’s elapsed since the original show. Just think: When you get a column of your own, you too can flip-flop your opinion at will!

Okay, we left off last time with Backlash 99, and I’m skipping Over the Edge 99 for obvious reasons, so…

1999

King of the Ring 99 was the thoroughly god-awful show that dared to ask the question: Can the McMahons really put themselves in a main event ladder match and expect people to take it seriously? The answer, apparently, was “yes”. Rock-Undertaker was pretty horrible, too. Strong recommendation to avoid.

Fully Loaded 99 was the first show to test the waters of Rock v. HHH as a main event level match, and the first show to test the waters of the HHH megapush. The match itself was decent-good, as was the Austin-UT “last match ever match” that featured tons of blood and Vince McMahon being banished from TV “forever”. Forever being a couple of months in wrestling terms. Mildly recommended.

Summerslam 99 received somewhat favorable reviews at the time, but there’s really not much meat on the bones. Austin v. HHH v. Mankind for the WWF title seems to worsen every time I watch it, and while Test v. Shane was a good brawl and an entertaining bit of sportz entertainment, did it REALLY help Test in the long run? The DVD is pretty worthwhile if only to hear Mick Foley’s audio commentary during the main event as he rips on the match itself. The rest is solidly okay and nothing more. Mildly recommended.

Unforgiven 99 received horrible reviews at the time, and it’s largely become a forgotten show, and for good reason. I think there’s a good X-Pac v. Jericho match there and a good main event clusterfuck for the WWF title (with HHH winning, of course), but your mileage may vary. Most disagree with me, so recommendation to avoid.

No Mercy 99 was the show that did two things: Tried to kick the HHH megapush into overdrive, and established the Hardy Boyz & Edge & Christian as the masters of the ladder spotfest. Remember the days when HHH was the guy being held back by Austin and people kinda felt sorry for him? Neither do I anymore. The rest of the show was solid enough, if again forgettable. Mildly recommended.

Survivors Series 99. WEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL this show sucks. On the other hand, think back on how close we came to WWF World champion Test and be thankful Vince only tried foisting Big Slow on us as champ for a few months. Notable show only for Kurt Angle’s debut against Meat and Austin’s poor stuntman getting run down by what would end up being Rikishi, in cahoots with HHH. Has it occurred to anyone else recently that HHH can’t be that much of a mastermind if his grand plan to eliminate Austin resulted in him losing the belt at the end of the night? Strong recommendation to avoid.

Armageddon 99. Hey, I kinda liked the Vince-HHH match, so sue me. I don’t even remember the rest of the card, but Stacy Carter gets naked, so what more do you need? Mildly recommended.

2000

Royal Rumble 2000 kicked the WWF into hyperdrive, as Mick Foley got all good and bloodied up and pissed off by new WWF champion HHH and was all “STREET FIGHT, BEEYOTCH!” and HHH was all “Don’t go there, sista!” and they had that street fight and thumbtacks got involved and it was MSG and ***** and stuff and probably was the Match of the Year for 2000 but WWF fans are easily distracted and voted for TLC instead. Man, HHH used to be awesome. I mean, he’s still kinda awesome in a “beat down Kane every week like clockwork” way, but before the YAWN OF DOOM became a major focal point for amateur photographers everywhere the guy was so good it makes me tearful in a manly way. Oh, and the Hardyz and Dudleyz break tables like nuts and Tazz debuts and kills Angle and stuff. Get the damn tape, yo. Strongly recommended.

No Way Out 2000 was equally encompassing in the awesomeness that was HHH, as Mick was even more pissed off and bloodied up now thanks to the Radicalz and he wanted HELL IN THE CELL and HHH wanted HIS CAREER and do you really need to even ASK who the smartest man in wrestling turned out to be? Another ***** classic as Foley retires for six weeks, the New Age Outlaws get completely exposed as the jokes they are and thankfully go away forever at the hands of the Dudleyz, and all the heels basically go over in the same show to piss off the easily pissed off among the marks. I’m not among them, because this was another awesome show in a series of them. Get this damn tape, too, yo. Strongly recommended.

Wrestlemania 2000 had an ungodly long 12-hour pregame show and revisionist history has somehow rendered into a bad show. THOSE PEOPLE ARE INCORRECT. I am not. The three-way ladder match with the Dudleyz, Canadianz and Hardyz will make your nipples hard (in a manly way), Benoit & Angle & Jericho all go out there and suplex the shit out of each other as Angle loses his titles, and the main event wasn’t great but when is anything involving the McMahons AND the Big Show? Watch it again. Love it. Strongly recommended.

Backlash 2000 was even better because Rock finally kicked HHH’s ass but good and provided some small amount of closure to the feud, although I’m sure Jericho didn’t feel real good about Earl Hebner’s big return being the end result of his fake title switch with HHH on RAW. But then he has blond hair like HHH, so really he was asking for it. Oh, and Edge & Christian are all smartass heel and stuff on this show, JERICHO V. BENOIT for the first time in a singles match on WWF PPV, Essa Rios finally gets a shot at a major titles and it’s against Eddy Guerrero no less, and did I mention Dean Malenko and Scotty 2 Hotty tearing the HIZZOUSE down in the mother of all ignored great matches on WWF PPV? Criminal, sez I. Get this tape and watch Scotty get dropped on his head from the top rope and SURVIVE. Best WWF PPV of 2000. Even more strongly recommended than those “strongly recommended” for the first three shows of the year. Now that’s strong.

Judgment Day 2000 had another Benoit-Jericho match on the undercard, but that’s cake on the icing because Rock-HHH took a page from Benoit’s book and PROVED ME WRONG by going out there and engaging in an actual honest-to-god wrestling match for the better part of 60 minutes before Undertaker went and ruined the finish and pretty much brought me down for the rest of the year. Recommended show.

I understand there was a King of the Ring 2000 show around this time, but any show that sees Benoit, Jericho and Guerrero all jobbing in the first round and Rock regaining the World title by pinning Vince McMahon must be the figment of Eric Bischoff’s imagination and probably isn’t worthy of being watched. Strong recommendation to avoid.

Fully Loaded 2000 happened next, yup, but the WWF doesn’t want you to remember it because it featured Benoit & Jericho & Angle in the co-main events and since they’re not the well-rounded SPORTZ ENTERTAINERZ that Undertaker is, they’re not worthy of mentioning and/or elevation. That Undertaker, what a talent. And the RATINGS he draws, sweet sassy molassy. Remember: Jericho was down at 10, but up at 11, so it was kinda sorta elevation, but he has blond hair so he’s asking for it. Bastard…where does he get off having ****3/4 matches with HHH, anyway? Edge & Christian had a horrible match with the APA here, but on the bright side it let to the “Hunkering in the local watering hole” promo the next night on RAW, so all is not lost. Strongly recommended.

Summerslam 2000 continued that whole “HHH in the main event” thing and featured a pretty damn good Rock v. HHH v. Angle that furthered the Angle v. HHH storyline (more on that later), plus, oh yeah, TLC. Shane McMahon also jumped 200 feet off a moving airplane and landed in a glass of water, but he does that every show these days. And X-Pac v. Road Dogg! Haha, bet you thought I was gonna say JERICHO V. BENOIT in an excited tone, didn’t you? Strongly recommended.

Damn, 2000 was a pretty awesome year for the WWF on PPV, wasn’t it?

Onwards and downwards, as the WWF pulled a WCW and ripped defeat from the jaws of victory with Unforgiven 2000, the show that proved that no matter how hot an angle, politics can kill it. Case in point: Angle v. HHH, as HHH wins another one and the feud slows to a crawl and eventually dies because no one had enough backbone to actually book a payoff. For the guy with the biggest grapefruits in the business, Vincent K sures books like a pussy sometimes. They stuck poor Benoit in the main event with Rock and the Nash Brothers, and the results weren’t pretty. And Jericho v. X-Pac, hoo, tell your friends. Neutral feelings.

No Mercy 2000 continued the WWF’s flirtation with Benoit as a tippy top guy, as he was allowed the honor of jobbing to HHH in a semi-main role, while Kurt Angle only needed the help of a few people to beat the Rock and win the WWF title. That’s practically a clean job these days. Both matches rocked your world and didn’t even bother to call you back in the morning, though, so get the tape and don’t complain. Ignore the Austin match. Recommended show.

Survivor Series 2000 saw Undertaker pinning Kurt Angle’s evil twin brother, Jericho and Kane fighting over decaf, and HHH getting dropped 40 feet in a car and dying, only have his condition upgraded to “alive” the next night. Not only the smartest man in wrestling, but also the fastest healer, apparently. Maybe HE should be the Wolverine instead of Benoit. Recommendation to avoid.

Armageddon 2000 saw the WWF get really desperate for a main event, so they grabbed up six guys they considered to be main eventers, threw them in a Hell in the Cell, and said “Buy the damn PPV!”. Well, it actually worked, and Benoit made Billy Gunn into his bitch, so there’s that at least. Mildly recommended.

2001

Well, by Royal Rumble 2001, everyone and their brother knew that Rock v. Austin was on for Wrestlemania 17, so the only remaining questions were “How do they get there” and “What funky replacement for ‘17’ will they use?” Both questions were answered in short order, as Austin won the Rumble, outlasting such luminaries as Drew Carey, Haku and the Honkytonk Man en route to doing so. Kurt Angle also beat HHH to retain the WWF title, but who do you see in the main events NOW, boy-o? Damn midcarders, someone should teach them what their place is. Jericho-Benoit also made life worthwhile for another month, but that’s kinda expected. Every have one of those reviews when you can’t even escape the crushing force of your own sarcasm anymore? Okay, bottom line: The SHOW WAS AWESOME. Whew, made it out alive. Strongly recommended.

No Way Out 2001 was there and Austin & HHH went out and kicked each other’s asses for 40 minutes instead of some poor midcarders’, and a bunch of other people had awesome matches and if the replay was offered again TOMORROW, I’d be totally there as long as it was offered at a reasonable price because this PPV, much like HHH, was THAT DAMN GOOD. Oh, and Rock & Angle was all Rock & Angle, which might normally be a synonym for “boring” but since it’s Rock & Angle it translates more roughly to “an easy ****1/2 match” because both guys rule and are sorely missed in the main events these days. Sure, Kane keeps piling on the **** matches with ease these days, but you’ve gotta have a little variety. Incredibly strongly recommended.

Wrestlemania X-7 had the unwelcome task of attempting to be even more sensationally fantasical than No Way Out and thus forcing me to think up newer and better adjectives to let you know how FABULOUS a show this was. It’s hard to believe the WWF can suck so much right now when they went out and put on the BEST WWF PPV EVER, maybe. Rock-Austin ruled the world, Benoit-Angle ruled most of Australia and parts of the Middle East, HHH-Undertaker may have ruled Greenland but only **1/4 worth of it, TLC2 was the bees knees, the arena was incredibly huge, and the show was FOUR HOURS LONG. Can’t argue with that kind of success. BEST PPV EVER. Maybe.

Finally, there’s Backlash 2001 and it was all “Hey, Undertaker & Kane are so totally over that we’ll put them in a tag match with Austin & HHH and WE’LL MAKE MILLIONS” and logic and common sense went out the window and no one bought the show and the children cried but the undercard was at least watchable enough to justify the purchase somewhat if you were feeling pretty generous on the night you watched it. But you got Benoit, and you can’t say that about the Sopranos or the Simpsons or the other viewing choices on a Sunday night, so I think that settles that. Mildly recommended.

Next time: The last PPVs in the history of WCW! Tact? Class? What’s that? Be there as I make fun of Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff for 5 pages or more!