By "Net.cop" Scott Keith

Life bugs me.

Okay, so maybe that's kind of a broad statement to open up with, but it's true. Many things in life just irritate the hell out of me, and I, like many others in this world, feel unable to do anything about it.

TV networks switch around and/or cancel my favorite shows at a moment's notice for ridiculous reasons, the bus schedule gets overhauled to the point where I can't get to work on time anymore, or I accidentally put a hard drive cable in my computer backwards, and it doesn't notice the problem until two months later, when it suddenly crashes out of nowhere, leaving me computer-less for a month.

Occasionally, however, there are glimmers of hope.

For instance, here in Canada, WWF RAW is WAR is shown every Monday night on about 3 hours tape delay, give or take. There's even talk of it going live every week. But remember back when all TSN was showing was RAW on a week delay? Shortly after making their audience relations e-mail address known to the public, they were bombarded with mail demanding RAW be moved to Monday night. And it was. And when RAW switched to a two-hour format, the mail hit again, and TSN picked up the full two hours. However, the other main objective of us vocal fans was to get TSN to pick up WCW Monday Nitro, and until recently that was unlikely to come true.

Well, mission accomplished. TSN has apparently relented and decided to carry the 2 hour version of Nitro starting in the fall. And I'm willing to bet they wouldn't have done it if all the harassment from overzealous wrestling fans hadn't occured. You see, obsessive behavior *can* be good sometimes. :)

* * *

I'll let you look elsewhere for Summerslam results, but I do have a few thoughts on the show.

- First of all, Los Boricuas had better music last week on RAW. It was some funky latin thing that I quite enjoyed. The "Boricua Rap" from Summerslam was definitely lacking in personality.

- If I met Ahmed Johnson in a dark alley, I'd be shitting myself.

- Note to WWF producers: Setting up a steel cage during a Free For All does not qualify as "30 minutes of action." I wish they'd just use the standard cage rather than the blue steel.

- At this point, I'm still not entirely sure if the Austin injury was a work or not, but the ending was so lame that I'm afraid he's legitimately hurt bad. Great timing -- Vince puts the tag and I-C belts on the guy simultaneously and he goes and gets injured.

- And what's with all the double champions recently? Owen, Davey Boy, and now Steve Austin. Can't they find someone else?

- Bret v. Undertaker II was much better than their match at Royal Rumble a few years ago. Once again, Bret demonstrates his ability to carry inferior guys to good matches.

- Shawn is a better referee than most of the guys working for the WWF right now. Give him a job doing that...

- I don't know if Ken Shamrock is supposed to be a heel now or what, but it obviously didn't work if that was the intention. Hell, *I've* been wanting to beat the crap out of the Usual Gang of Idiots every time they break up a perfectly good brawl. Nice to see someone finally do it.

- C'mon, you just *knew* Mick Foley was going to do some kind of dive off the top of the cage. The circle is complete and all that.

- Was the world really waiting for Michael Cole?

- Luckiest guy in the building: That 12-year old kid. No, he didn't win a million dollars, but the consolation prize was pretty damn good.

* * *

You know what I think wrestling today is missing? Feel good angles.

You know, everything has been so grim and gritty recently with the nWo closing the show every week that I think people are crying out for something to make them feel happy at the end of the night. That's why Sting got such a huge pop at Uncensored -- the good guy hadn't won in so long they'd forgotten what it's like.

That's why someone should lock Eric Bischoff in a room with Bill Watts until he gets it pounded into his head: You build up the heel, and then you have the babyface beat them.

It's the second part that's really important.

You know why Dude Love is so over? Because you feel good about yourself after watching. "Mick, Mick, he's our man, if he can do it...maybe *I* can." I mean, how can you not smile when he comes out as Dude Love, or gets re-energized by the disco music? He's so over because he deserves it, and the people were just waiting for a chance to cheer him.

My personal favorite "feel good" angle is the Varsity Club. Or at least the Steiner-Rotundo portion.

For those who weren't around in 1988, the basic premise is that Mike Rotundo is NWA TV champion, managed by Kevin Sullivan, and Rick Steiner is his goofy sidekick/partner. Sullivan blatantly favors Rotundo all the time, which Rick endears himself to everyone by being so darned lovable. Finally the Varsity Club turns on Steiner, setting up Steiner v. Rotundo at Starrcade, with an ending you can see coming a mile away, but that's the great part. You *know* the good guy *has* to win, and that makes it all the better because you're not going to be disappointed. 100 years of wrestling history dictates that the heel gets his ass handed to him and the face wins the title. If you changed around the story, it wouldn't work anymore. And so Rick Steiner pinned Mike Rotundo (to a huge pop) and ran around the ring yelling "I beat you!" with a silly grin on his face. It was impossible not to feel good for the guy.

That kind of basic, sentimental booking seems to be missing today. WCW feels the need to "swerve the smarts" all the time, so they have the faces lose the blowoff matches to the nWo. It wrecks the whole formula, because when the heel wins it means that, down the road, the face is going to hurt them that much more in the eventual victory.

In the case of the nWo, it's been a year now and there is no victory. We're building (and building and building) to Sting v. Hogan and nothing ever comes of it. Sting is going to have to literally beat Hogan to death (in addition to winning the title) to balance out the heel victories in this feud. The inevitable Sting title win, no matter how dramatic, will be disappointing because the reaction will always be "That was it?" after such an unbelievably long buildup. Wait and see, you'll see I'm right.

* * *

Parting Shot: If Eric Bischoff wrote mystery novels.

...and so Inspector Hogan wandered anxiously amongst the roster of guests he had assembled. They shifted equally anxiously in their seats as they awaited his announcement on who the murderer was.

"It was quite simple, really." Hogan said calmly, his voice masking the nervousness that his body gave away. "If one knows the history of this hotel, and the family lineage of the guests, it is an elementary matter to determine that, obviously, the only possible killer was..."

But the Inspector was cut off as 5 members of the Hotel World Order stormed the room and attacked him, leaving him laying on the floor, then spray-paining "hWo" on his back.

Suddenly, the mysterious figure known only as "Sting" drops down from the chandelier, armed with a baseball bat, ready to strike! He points to the murderer, who is none other than...

[publisher's note: We're out of pages for this week, but be sure to buy our Saturday edition.]

The End.