By Justin Baisden

I sat back on April 10th and read the reports for the 04/09 New Japan Osaka Dome Show. To say that I was not impressed with the way the vast majority of matches were booked would be a huge understatement. It would be better to say that I was PISSED OFF with the way the matches were booked. Now for all I know, the NJPW bookers have a grand scheme where all of this BULLSHIT booking will come together and I’ll have to eat my words, but until that point comes, I’m going to bitch. I’m going to take the year 2000, rip it to shreds, offer some feedback and take a quick glance at 2001. I’ll rip that up a little less (it hasn’t been ALL bad) and give my thoughts on the future.

With that thought in mind, if you do not care to read the rather angry words of this Puroresu reviewer and (sometimes) columnist, you can leave. However, if you’re interested in reading some angry words, a recap of the last year in New Japan (from my perspective of course), some analysis, and little tidbits of Puro knowledge that you may not have known before clicking the link to this column, sit back and have fun.

TEQUILLA IS BAD FOR YOU

There was a time when I believed that New Japan Pro Wrestling was the greatest pro wrestling company in the world. I even heralded them higher than the WWF, which I have always had a soft spot for since I was a small child. New Japan had it all, great juniors, great heavyweights, solid story lines, and lively crowds. As the end of 1999 approached, something happened to NJPW. I like to call this change THE WORST BOOKING IN THE HISTORY OF WRESTLING! Well… WCW took that title but New Japan was right up there. And you know it’s funny that I mention WCW because it was their booking that kind of started all this on the wrong path. From what I can see, it started with one Jushin “Thunder” Lyger jobbing to a TEQUILLA BOTTLE! Well… he jobbed to Juventud “run around naked in hotel room while high as a kite on ecstasy” Guerrera. So the IWGP Jr. Title is pissed away like so much drunken urination. Lyger gets the belt back from Psicosis (due to Guerrera being injured) and returns to Japan with a relatively worthless title. HOW FUCKING STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO JOB TO A BOTTLE??!! If I was Lyger and I was told I was jobbing to a bottle, I’d give the bookers a hearty “FUCK YOU” and leave. What are they going to do? Fire my non-under contract ass? GO AHEAD! But anyway, Lyger returns to Japan and life goes on until January when things really started to go downhill.

Enter the 01/04/2000 New Japan Tokyo Dome Show. Lyger begins obliterating junior wrestlers in IWGP Jr. Title matches. It starts at the Dome as he beat Koji Kanemoto in FIVE MINUTES! Meanwhile, Kensuke “STUDENT KILLER” Sasaki beat Genichiro Tenryu for the IWGP Heavyweight Title. We move along and Lyger continues to destroy juniors in five – ten minute matches thus obliterating all the worth of the division. YEAH!!! BUT WAIT… Oh… it all makes sense. Lyger is going to take on Sasaki at the April Dome show for the IWGP Heavyweight Title and needed to be seen as a legitimate threat because we all know that Juniors NEVER EVER ON YOUR LIFE go over the Heavies. OK… now logic would dictate that junior killer Lyger would beat Sasaki thus legitimizing his destroying the junior division. So I go online the day after the Dome show and read “Sasaki beats Lyger in rather easy fashion.” AH FUCKING HELL! What the flying fuck was the point of destroying the juniors if Lyger was just going to job and job in a fashion that just shows he wasn’t a viable contender to begin with? FUCK YOU NEW JAPAN, FUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUU!

NEWSFLASH: Hashimoto announced his retirement after losing for the millionth time to Naoya Ogawa. A legit question to those who may know; what started the Hashimoto vs Ogawa feud? I never figured that one out. Did I mention he’d come out or “retirement” a few months later?

NEWSFLASH: Jushin “Thunder” Lyger continues on his rampage of juniors by winning the Super J Cup 2000. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT OF THAT? Lyger’s already won a J Cup, two Super Junior tournament, god knows how many IWGP Jr. Titles, and the list goes on. Would it have killed him to job to a young prospect like Tiger Mask IV or CIMA? This is what happens when ego takes precedence over everything else.

So time rolls on and the Super Junior tournament comes about. Tatsuhito Takaiwa defeats Shinjiro “BITCHMASTER” Ohtani in what was said to be a very good match. I don’t own the match (someone? Anyone? help me out here?) but it’s Ohtani so I’ve got faith. Now Ohtani has never won the Super Junior tournament and one would figure that he’d win it in 2000. BUT WAIT… THIS IS NEW JAPAN IN 2000! You see they wanted to push Takaiwa as a heavyweight because well… he doesn’t fight like a junior. OK… at least he managed to make his opponents look good while getting the heavyweight push.

NEWSFLASH: New Japan finally does at least one thing right by putting the IWGP Tag Titles on the crazy over Satoshi Kojima and Hiroyoshi Tenzan. These two would go on a spree before stating that they’d give up the titles if they lost to Chosyu and someone else (I really don’t remember). They lost and then well… kept the belts. THAT’S SOME GOOD WORK NEW JAPAN! Jesus, does Shin Nihon loosely translate to World Championship Wrestling or what?

So August rolls around and Takaiwa and Lyger are both put into the annual G-1 Climax tournament. For those of you who do not know, the G-1 Climax is the annual NJPW Heavyweight tournament. Takaiwa managed to win ONE MATCH! Here I thought they might do something with this so called push. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING??!! Oh… before I forget, the IWGP Champion, Kensuke “I’M A STUDENT KILLER AND HAD IT COVERED UP BY THE MAFIA” Sasaki won the tournament. Elevation? NAH!

NEW JAPAN’S PAY PER VIEW ERA

The end of August brings about the first NJPW PPV and the main event has Japanese hardcore legend Atsushi Onita taking on Riki Chosyu in an Exploding Barbwire deathmatch. Please excuse me while I sob uncontrollably with joy at the thought of hardcore legend who uses one move over and over (Thunderfire Powerbomb) vs the NJPW legend who uses one move over and over (Riki Lariat). Chosyu goes over in a complete squash thus killing off some more of Onita’s dwindling credibility. YEAH!!!

NEWSFLASH: Ohtani is in the doghouse for being an awesome wrestler because WE CAN’T HAVE THAT and is sent to Stampede Wrestling. Too bad that fed is just about as fucked over as Bret Hart’s sanity. So Ohtani goes to England and Germany and isn’t heard from again.

NEWSFLASH: Shinya Hashimoto is a whiny crybaby BITCH and can’t get along with Riki Chosyu or Tatsumi Fujinami. So what does he do? HE UN-RETIRES OF COURSE! Obviously the best way to avoid a situation with bad bookers it to work under them. Fujinami wanted to humiliate Hashimoto by putting him in black rookie tights but they can’t find a set of tights big enough so Hash gets his usual attire.

NEWSFLASH: SASAKI STILL SUCKS AND SHOULD BE STRIPPED OF THE TITLE AND HUNG UPSIDE DOWN WHILE CHILDREN USE HIS HEAD AS A PINATA!

Then when I think that nothing else can go wrong… I’m right. Sorta… The NJPW and AJPW inter-promotional deal is struck as a way for NJPW to get out of their rut and for AJPW to climb out of hell. The 10/09 NJPW vs AJPW Tokyo Dome Show comes about and it ROCKS BELLS! The lord and master of all things wrestling Toshiaki “KICK YOUR MOTHER FUCKING BITACH ASS” Kawada drags out the best singles match of Sasaki’s career. Sasaki forfeits the title out of disgrace! THANK GOD! On a side note, Hashimoto beat the living shit out of Fujinami.

I’m going to bitch about Hashimoto now. I’m would like to know how much booker cock this man smokes to get that kind of treatment. To put it quite plainly, HE NEVER JOBS! Drumroll please:

10/092000: Destroys Tatsumi Fujinami

12/23/2000: Destroys Takao Omori at the NOAH PPV.

01/04/2001: Wails down on Riki Chosyu and the match is eventually called no contest by NJPW President Tatsumi Fujinami.

04/09/2001: Kicks the shit out of Kensuke Sasaki and wins it in under nine minutes.

Can someone please explain to me why in the world Hashimoto deserves this kind of treatment? It’s one thing to do over while having a good match. But the first three matches I’ve mentioned SUCKING ASS! I haven’t seen the fourth one but come on… nine minutes? Sasaki? Riiiiight, great match. The match at 12/23 really bugs me. Why in the world would Misawa feed one of the biggest rising stars of NOAH to Hashimoto? The match was eight minutes long and an almost complete squash. WHAT’S THE POINT?! I honestly can’t remember the last time Hashimoto jobbed to someone aside from Naoya Ogawa. It almost brings me joy to think of the many times Ogawa mangled Hashimoto now that he’s squashing just about everyone in his path. The only question left is who’s next? Who’s really “worthy” of taking on Hashimoto, and for that matter, who gives a better blowjob to the bookers to get the win over Hashimoto? Your candidates look like this:

Mitsuharu Misawa: There’s no way in hell that Misawa will job to Hash 1 on 1.

Jun Akiyama: It wouldn’t surprise me to see Misawa feed Akiyama to Hash. Hash goes over and takes on Misawa before getting elbowed into oblivion.

Toshiaki Kawada: This would be a mega match worthy of headlining the Tokyo Dome. If AJPW grows some form of balls, they’ll find a way to get Kawada to go over.

Genichiro Tenryu: These two have faced off on a few occasions back when WAR was feuding with NJPW. Tenryu is getting on in years but can still pull out a few tricks. It’s a toss up with these two. If Tenryu is holding the Triple Crown at the time of the match, he’ll go over. If not, he’ll job for sure.

Masahiro Chono: He’s crazy over and one of the few wrestlers in NJPW with enough stroke to demand to go over.

Keiji Mutoh: As the leader of BATT, it wouldn’t surprise me if he lead an “invasion” into Zero One and took on Hash. I’m pretty sure Mutoh would job though.

Naoya Ogawa: Honestly, has Hashimoto ever beaten Ogawa? If this mega push is leading up to a match with Ogawa, it may all be worthwhile. That’s only IF he goes over. Odds are that Inoki will figure out a way for Ogawa to win it again though.

Anyway, back to the state of New Japan. They managed to end 2000 on a very high note with a KICK ASS Pay Per View (which I reviewed if you’d care to find it). Everything looked to be going very well as the 01/04/2001 Tokyo Dome Show rolled around. I thought to myself, there’s no way they can screw this up. I was wrong.

NEW JAPAN IN 2001

I’ll give you a little background on what was going on in NJPW and AJPW at the time of this show to give you an understanding of why I thought the booking would go a different way:

Toshiaki Kawada beat Kensuke Sasaki in a non-title match at the 10/09 Tokyo Dome show.

In the finals of an eight-man tournament, Genichiro Tenryu defeated Toshiaki Kawada to win the vacated Triple Crown Title.

Toshiaki Kawada and Yugi Nagata were the two men in the ring when the bell sounded for the draw in the main event of the 12/14 2nd Judgement PPV.

Speculation was running high that Toshiaki Kawada would take on Genichiro Tenryu at the 01/28 AJPW Tokyo Dome Show

The brackets for the IWGP Heavyweight Title tournament looked like this:

Masahiro Chono = Bye

Kensuke Sasaki vs Satoshi Kojima

Hiroyoshi Tenzan vs Yugi Nagata

Toshiaki Kawada = Bye

Now you look at those brackets, then look at the breakdown of the last couple of events that I’ve entailed. What route do you figure would go best? It was pretty obvious that Sasaki would win his first round match. The toss up came with Tenzan vs Nagata. The smart booking would have had Nagata beat Tenzan and take on Kawada, thus capturing the heat from their match at 12/14, not to mention a potential kick ass match to boot. BUT NOOOOOOO! Tenzan went over Nagata and then lost to Kawada in the second round (no surprise there). Sasaki went over Chono (outcome was 50/50 anyway) and then Sasaki went over Kawada. So NJPW takes the 100% selfish route for the tournament. They rob the fans of what could have been a MOTY with Nagata vs Kawada. Then they put Sasaki over Kawada in the finals. WHY OH WHY??!! Considering the circumstances I laid out, tell me this wouldn’t have made more sense:

Kawada beat Sasaki to become IWGP Heavyweight Champion

Kawada beats Tenryu to unify (at least temporarily) the IWGP Title and the Triple Crown

Kawada defends the belts at both AJPW and NJPW venues for four months and then does the job to a NJPW wrestler whether it is Sasaki (he’d have to return the job) or someone getting a mega push like Hashimoto. By the time October rolls around, they hold one more dome show, the titles are split up after the match and both companies benefit from it all. I’m just a regular fan and I can see this route as bright as day. I can’t even begin to fathom how STUPID AND SELFISH the NJPW bookers must be to take the route they did at the 01/04/2001 Dome show. There was one bright note to the dome show though, Keiji Mutoh returned from his exile in the WWF. Oops… what was I thinking, I meant WCW. He also brought along THE BITCHMASTER! Hmm… what’s that thing on Ohtani? Looks like a gut. Um… I’m scared but I’ll live.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD?

Arena Power Max was a rock solid show (find my review if you didn’t already read it). Any event with Ohtani vs Sasaki in the main event is fine by me. The work was their but no one in his or her right mind honestly believed Ohtani was going to go over but I guess it’s the thought that counts. After all, New Japan only FUCKED WITH OHTANI FOR SIX MONTHS! Sasaki would continue as champion until losing to Scott Norton on 03/17. Is that the sound of “HUH?” I hear? Well it does make sense in the long run, assuming that NJPW takes the route that I think they will. Norton was only a transitional champion as he lost the title to Kazuyuki Fujita (one of Inoki’s boys) at the 04/09 Osaka Dome show. On that same card, Yugi Nagata beat Manabu “dumber than a mentally retarded monkey” Nakanishi to earn the spot of #1 contender to the title.

Now here’s the interesting part. Yoshihiro Takayama (who works for NOAH) is the next in line to get a shot at the IWGP Heavyweight Title. And again we say “HUH?” Even more interesting is the fact that they’ll main event PRIDE 14 (that’s a shoot fight fed if you didn’t know). Again we say “HUH?” The match is a complete waste of time considering there is no way in hell that Takayama will go over. If by some act of the devil (god would never condone Takayama going over) Takayama wins, New Japan will be what I like to call FUCKED! So Takayama will lose, and Fujita will face Yugi Nagata sometime down the road. If NJPW has any brain cells in their head, they’ll put the title on Nagata. He’s the best heavyweight wrestler in New Japan and could bring the heavyweight division out of the despair that it’s been in ever since Sasaki won the title back in January of 2000.

On the other side of things we have Kawada who is taking on Kojima and Tenzan on June 6th and June 8th. 06/06 is hosted by NJPW, 06/08 is hosted by AJPW. I can’t quite understand the point of booking these two matches. It would make no sense for Kawada to job to either of these guys. One could argue that he owes Tenzan a job but considering that the match with Tenzan is being hosted by AJPW, I can’t see it happening. So we have two matches that will be great but serve no purpose in the long run. Personally, I would rather have seen Kawada and (insert partner here) job to Kojima and Tenzan for the IWGP Tag Titles at 06/06 and then have him go over Nagata at 06/08. The champs get elevated, Kawada saves face as a singles wrestler, and they can push for the big re-match of Nagata vs Kawada on NJPW territory.

I could probably write another five pages about Nagata, Kojima and Tenzan needing to get the mega push the same way that Chono, Mutoh, and Hashimoto did ten years ago. However, I think I’ve had my fill of writing for the day and I’m pretty sure that anyone who’s read this whole thing wouldn’t care to read anything more today. Maybe another time…

Justin Baisden
http://rollinggermans.8m.com